Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

That Bitch Katrina

I feel like an idiot on here, ranting on about my education and my issues with this dude or that dude, blah blah.

That whore Katrina caused upwards of $25 BILLION (that number will probably double due to the lack of homeowner insurance) worth of damage along the Gulf Coast.

Those of you that pray, please pray for those that have lost their homes, their children, their...everything. I will send out the good vibes for all.


EDIT (10:36 PM) - And that COCK FUCK BUSH BASTARD flies over the affected areas in his Air Force One to 'survey the damage'. Listen, I have a tip for you BUSH FUCK: Step the fuck off the plane after you 'survey the damage' and talk to the people. Act like you fuckin' care. While the meterologists were talking disaster, prior to Katrina whore actually hitting the South, Bush's DUMB ASS was on vacation. Hi BUSH BITCH: How about the poor babies in the hospital who lost their parents? How about the people flagging down help from their rooftops? How about the handicapped and elderly who had to float in big ass buckets to get to safety? How about the widespread looting? DIDJA SEE THAT FROM YOUR FUCKIN' AIR FORCE ONE?

I didn't think so.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Just trottin' along...

So day 2 of classes is over. Thank goodness.

Monday's class was cool - Digital Media: Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign. I know 2 out of the 3, so this should be an easy A.

Today's class was FUCKING WEIRD. Sound and Interactive Media. Why the hell did I think that would be fun? Ok. It was definitely interesting, but the basic point is to create sound sculpture or light installations, but...sound. Like...uh...blowing through a PVC tube and recording it...then synthesizing it on a keyboard to make all types of crazy sounds. Crazy. To be continued.

Wednesday - Studio Composition - recording studio...HOT!

Thursday - Creating Web Documents...ugh, a night class...

Ok - the eternal college student needs to get her rest...

Ciao fuckers!!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Click it!!!

Thanks to Voodoo, who turned me on to this guy. Brilliant!

Ciao beetches.

Independence Kicks Ass

So I woke up this morning in Jul's bedroom, sleeping alone on the not-so-comfortable mattress. I looked at the time and it was 6:55 am. I was still a little out of it (read: drunk), but thought it might be a good idea to take my sorry ass home instead of going straight to work.

I was wearing the same clothes I had on last night, so I changed into my PJs (a tee that says "Are We Having Fun Yet?" and gray cut off sweatpants...just in case you were wondering what I wear to bed at night)...grabbed my stuff, checked on Jul, who was laid out on the couch and left.

Oh me and my infinite genius decided to go to the good diner on Central Ave. for breakfast. I am amazed everyday at my independence and ability to actually go out and do things like this on my own.

Why…am I growing up? Could it be that the same girl who couldn’t even pee at a bar alone, is sitting in restaurants (ok, diners) by herself and even going to sporting events (ok, the softball games) alone? GAH! I AM an adult! **insert best Napoleon Dynamite impression here: YES!**

I am thoroughly excited about this. There are certain things I like to do alone: mani/pedi, going to the gym…things of that nature, but I never really liked to eat alone. I went to the movies V-Day 2004 by myself (a little pathetic, no?), so that was a step in the right direction…and obviously the beginning of new adventures…solo.

So I guess you could say I’m getting used to being by myself. GAH!

Ciao fuckers.

Julapalooza...the Aftermath

Damnnnnnnn. I only lasted 3 hours last night.

This is before (well...after a few drinks):

And this is after:

Just obliterated. NICE!

Ciao fuckers.

Saturday, August 27, 2005


So. I left out a part of the evening (see previous post). TB has been texting/calling periodically, wanting to know if me and "the girls" are going out. Ok.

Do you remember those little sponge creatures that were around in the 90's?...the ones that you put in water and they grew into like dinosaurs or something? Right. So he must think that I can dunk my friends in some water so that they can grow and hang out with me. This is the running joke with my Cousin.

So no, you're adorable, but I do not hang out with my girls on the regular like that, only J9. He was going to Off the Wagon last night, which is near Down the Hatch - college bars. If I am going to hang out in Manhattan, I'm hanging at a lounge or nice bar, not Off the Wagon. Let's keep in mind that he is 22 and goes to Pace U.

I'm not hating on him, but I also don't have my friends at my disposal to go hang out with him. I am also not going to go down there by myself to hang with him and all his buddies. Not my thing man.

So Cousin drunk dials me last night around 1am and she went on a double date with her Fiance, our friend Madi and Fiance's buddy B, TB's brother. So I tell Cousin about TB's call and we joke about the sponge friends thing. Then B is like, oh he likes you. And I'm like well, why does he only call me to find out what me and "the girls" are doing? How bout some one on one face time? So B says that TB is broke (hello? college student!) and he can't afford me. I was like, I don't like people with money for one. For two, as long as I'm spending time with someone, I don't really care what we do...let's go for a walk in the park or something. So B was like, I'm going to call him right now and tell him that (B got his bro's voicemail)...then B was like, well he doesn't have money but you guys can, you know. Um. B was wasted, they all were. As was I. So I texted TB and repeated what his bro said and added that I didn't want ... you know... but a date would be nice.

So TB texts me this morning and apologized that he was in rare form last night (apparently, he thought he may have said something stupid to me, but that was not the case)...and said don't listen to B. I told him I didn't, he was wasted.

Anyway, the point is that boys are coming out of the woodwork again. This happens about as often as the blue moon rises. So I am going to enjoy the attention while it lasts and I won't think about the inevitable lack of attention when this episode ends.

And Shy Guy that I met last night called me. He is very sweet... ;-)...and the Love of my Cyber Life was right...look for the guy that looks man.

Its Julapalooza tonight. Bought some booze and munchies...oh its going to be a sloppy, drunken sleepover at Jul's house. HOT!

Ciao fuckers.

It must be the Ace Bandage

So this injury thing might be working out for me in the man department. I suppose its just an interesting and different conversation starter.

Turns out I have something like tendontitis (Doc's words) and need physical therapy twice a week. Gah! One more thing to add to my already packed schedule. Its 13 blocks away from my job (on 44th Street), so I booked my sessions on Mondays and Fridays, when I'm at work. Nice.

Anyway, so, injury aside, I took my ass out again last night, limping and all. Why stay home and be depressed? No thanks, man. Met Sara (oh, SNeighbor, to you!) and her co-workers at Rory's around 9. Had some yummy clams casino and had to be on my way. I was quite bored b/c I was only drinking water.

Went to J9's house around 10 and we went over to Pauline's around 11. Snore. Boring at first, but it always picks up later on and last night it did. I saw a very cute guy across the bar and I asked J9 if she knew him and if he was indeed cute. No and yes. Nice. So he wasn't a cop. Ok. Even better.

So I sent him a drink. ;-) Anyway, long story short, he's painfully shy and it took one of the girls I was with and one of the chicks he knew there to get us to talk. Pretty funny. Anyway, so he's very sweet - 34, in construction (did he say cement? don't remember), lives in Yonkers, about 7 minutes from me (yahoo), 3/4 Italian & 1/4 German, stocky guy, dresses well, likes to cook (woooohooooooo)...anyway, he was quite enamored (*patting back, thanks*)...I drove him home (well, to his car) and he told me to call him when I got home. As I was driving away, he called me and told me that he loves my personality and was so glad he met me. Aww. I told him the same and hung up. Called when I got home...he is supposed to call me today. Nice.

Anyway, had fun yesterday. (bah!) and JULAPALOOZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ciao fuckers.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

A B C DWI...

So I just got pulled over, coming home from White Plains. As the officer pointed out, ever so eloquently, "You had one beer? That bullshit don't fly with me"... nice.

Ok so I had 4 Seven and Seven's. But I was fine to drive. The cop gave me a breathalizer test and everything. He actually asked me to recite the alphabet. My blood alcohol level was 0.7, and he said he should arrest me for DWI. I got a speech and I don't know if it was the PBA card that he asked for (and luckily, J9 is my best friend and I actually had one) or the sorry looking Ace bandage on my right foot, but I escaped with a warning. I swear I didn't realize I was doing 61 mph in a 30. Ooops. Shoot me.

I guess no more driving drunk huh?


Ciao fuckers.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Songs of the Day

Nice to Know You - Incubus (for every single rat bastard I involved myself with)

Better then watching Geller bending silver spoons
Better then witnessing new born nebulae’s in bloom
She who sees from ‘up high’ smiles and surely sings
Perspective pries your once weighty eyes and it
gives you wings

I haven’t felt the way I feel today
In so long its hard for me to specify
I’m beginning to notice how much this feels
Like a waking limb… pins and needles
Nice to know you

Deeper than the deepest Cousteau would ever go
And higher then the heights of what we often
think we know
Blesses she who clearly sees the wood for the trees
To obtain a ‘birds eye’ is to turn a
Blizzard into a breeze

I haven’t felt the way I feel today
In so long its hard for me to specify
I’m beginning to notice how much this feels
Like a waking limb… pins and needles
Nice to know you…

So could it be that it has been there
All along?

Extraordinary Girl - Green Day (amazing song that I dedicate to me!)

She's an Extraordinary girl
In an ordinary world
And she cant seem to get away

He lacks the courage in his mind
Like a child left behind
Like a pet left in the rain

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying

She sees the mirror of herself
And image she wants to sell
To anyone willing to buy

He steals the image in her kiss
From her hearts apocalypse
From the one called whatsername

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
Some days he's not worth trying
Now that they're both up on it
She gets so sick of crying

She's an Extraordinary girl

Ciao fuckers.

Hump day

Don't I wish. LOL.

Its Wednesday again folks. Where has the summer gone? I feel as though the days are racing by me and I'm just standing still, watching them go!! Ahhhh...

I'm in so much pain...sore, aching, creaky. LOL. J9 and I went running yesterday...yup, running. That is something completely foreign to me, a smoker. So I didn't smoke at all yesterday during the hours leading up to the run. We walked / jogged / ran around one of the tracks in Van Courtland Park in the Bronx...its about 1.5 miles in length...we did that 3 times and then walked about another mile up and down Broadway, near Riverdale. Nice. So today, I am in pain. It beats the gym though - all that fresh air. And the park is so peaceful. Loved it. We had salads afterwards b/c I am putting us on a diet. I look anorexic some days and I feel fat on the others, but I need to just eat right and exercise.

Today we run again.

And school starts next Monday, the 29th. I am not sure I'm ready for it. It scares me. Every semester is like taking a bullet - sad and painful. But once I get into the swing of things, I'll enjoy it. All tech classes this time around, so it should be interesting. No fuckin' literature nada. I read enough heavy shit on my off days, I don't need to be reading and writing a million papers this semester. Let me revel in my computer geekiness. I'm cool with that. Studio class too!! I am going to be learning the ins and outs of the recording studio - hot. I can't wait for that one. Its a 6 hour class. Yikes!!

Ok, maybe I am a little excited about the fall. Maybe. I will be one busy bee again, but at least I'm one step closer to my damn degree...

Ciao fuckers.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Recreational Thug Use

I've been thinking...if I know at this point, I can hook up without having sex, why am I so picky? I could revert back to the old Bronx days and get with some ghetto fabulous, baggy pants wearing, beer belly havin', braided up fool much more quickly than I could get the much more preferable preppy dude (or punk rocker...). At least with 'Thug Life' I know the score from the gate: he's worthless and he'll treat me like crap, but hey, I already know that, so no feelings involved, right? Right.

I'm only kidding. I would rather be alone than deal with drama: married men, men with girlfriends, kids...whateva...or as Greg and Liz say, otherwise unavailable men. I am done. Thanks. Ghetto fab and his baggy pants can swagger to the hood rats standing on the corner. LOL.

Today is a new day my friends! So happy. I am takin' my life by the proverbial BALLS and throwing them to the wall. Damn right.

Ciao fuckers.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Wedding pics...

Yes, we were tossed. Yes, I'm ok with that. Yes, we had fun. Yes, I have a boobie fixation when I drink. No, I didn't get laid. LOL.

Ciao fuckers.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

The Dirty Details

What's a wedding without booze? BORING!! So you KNOW we got tossed last night!

I arrived in West Bubblefuck, Long Island around 1pm. I met up with CS and MS, the brothers of one of the bridemaids (5 of us were sharing a room). We lounged in our room at the Marriot for awhile and then got dressed for the ceremony.

Now, I knew the 3 of us were going to be trouble b/c they aren't into religion either, so us heathens sat together and scoffed at all the praying and shit (albeit under our breath, but scoffed nonetheless). The wedding was beautiful!! I cried my flippin' eyes out and as soon as Sharon saw me crying, she busted up crying too! We took pics outside and then drove back to the hotel - there was a lapse between the church and the reception, so we went to the hotel bar and had a few rounds.

I went upstairs to get ready for the reception - and my goodness, I looked fuckin' amazing. Pardon the conceit, would you? I met the guys in front of the shuttle bus and MS just about tripped over his jaw. I can still make the young boys swoon (he's 21). Nice.

We got to the reception at 7pm and stuffed our faces with the finger food. Turns out I wasn't sitting with anyone I knew, but there were single men at the table I met. No one interesting though. SNeighbor came and rescued me b/c there was an extra seat at her table (CS & MS were sitting there as well). Sweet!!

Oh man, how many 7 n' 7's can one girl possibly have without ralphing all over the place? I dunno. I didn't ralph, thanks. It helped that we ate ALOT. The food was phenomenal and they kept it coming. We laughed, danced and was a good time.

MS and I flirted the entire time...

The festivities ended around 12:30am. We hopped back on the shuttle bus, but the freakin' lushes that were on our bus stopped at a 7-11 to get if we weren't drunk enough...ok, ok, I drank a beer on the bus. MS and I hooked up. LOL.

Let me define hook up: mmkay, we didn't have any kind of sex...none...but we rounded a few bases. Ha ha ha.

When we got back to the hotel, we all changed into our PJs and went to the hotel bar...there were a bunch of people there from the wedding, but MS and I only stayed for one beer and went back to the room, where his sister was passed out on one of the beds.

We hopped onto the air mattress...and well, we didn't go to sleep for awhile. Man, as sexually frustrated as I am, I just couldn't do it. Nope, no sex. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

We woke up this morning and just vegged out. No one wanted to leave! But we checked out at 11am and I came straight to work. Here I am. Yup. Tired and dying to sleep in my own bed tonight.

Pics to come.

Ciao fuckers.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Ok, ok, last entry of the night...I think

Fray - Staind

I know that it never goes away
All i feel, everything I’m not today
So i try and i try to make everything right
I don't feel like I’m doing it, it affects me

You wouldn't listen even if i told you
Who the fuck am i to say?
You're too busy with the lies they sold you
Another cure to fix your day
Open wide for all the shit they feed you
While the TV defecates
And blindly walk wherever they will lead you
While the edges slowly fray

I know that everything can change
What i need is to open up again
So never again will i look back in vain
Cuz today's not the past,
I don't need to relive it

Are you satisfied?
I've given all i can and are you pacified?

Or do you want more from me?

I've learned that this life's not just a game
Just a line between the pleasures and the pain

Ciao fuckers.

For all you computer nerds

I wish I could Control Z certain parts of my life. Dang!

Yes, Zing, sharing is caring

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Share this with other Women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!

Now Men... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Ciao fuckers.

I stole this from Postsecret, ok? But I like it

Give it a break with...

...the incessant coughing!

It must be me. I am sitting here at work, keeping busy, watching the minutes tick by and all I freakin' hear, every 30 seconds, is the guy I used to deal with from here - coughing. Maybe I am just looking for more reasons for him to annoy me. But I don't have to look b/c there they are.

Zing. You can sympathize, you know, the whole Seinfeld thing - oh he was a great guy, but I had to dump him because of his annoying coughing. Geez man. What a tool.

Sex and the City moment:
In this city of 8 million people, will a successful, smart and single, sassy lady like myself, ever find someone who doesn't FUCKIN' PISS ME OFF??????????


Just had to share.

Ciao fuckers.

When life hands me lemons...

...I fuckin’ stomp on ‘em and make a goddamn mess.

Ok. Just wanted to say that.

So I went to the softball game last night and of course, McMarried was there in all his tight-pants glory. *sigh*

Long story short, they lost the game and we went to Vintage afterward. My ass looked phenomenal in my new jeans. Where the hell did that come from? Anyway. Me and my tangents.

Ok, so we flirted – as usual, but I wasn’t paying much mind to him and I really wanted to see SNeighbor over at Lazy Boy, so we invited everyone to come with us (C and I), but most people wanted to go home at that point. It was about 9:30 pm. McMarried wasn’t sure what he was going to do and I kind of told him that he was going to meet us, lol. But he didn’t.

He called C when we got over to Black Bear from Lazy Boy. Said he wasn’t coming. I was feeling a little wasted (ok, I was bombed – are you forgetting I have an eating disorder?? My anorexic ass has no business drinking)…I said I was going out for a smoke and called him. Needless to mention that I didn’t go back. I was trying to get him to meet me, stupid, I know. But, man I’ll give it to him – he is a good guy. Faithful…well, except for when we kissed a couple of weeks back.

I need to leave my cell phone at home when I am out drinking. Sober, rational Yaz would not have called him. I deleted his number from my phone.

Now as for this wedding business tomorrow – I am not sad that I am going by myself. I am actually excited about it. I doubt there will be too many single guys there, but ya never know. I am going to know most of the people there in some capacity anyway, but not enough to like really hang with. Going with the Springer brothers to the reception, since SNeighbor, K. Springer and I are sharing a room with them. Should be a gooooood drunken time and I can’t wait!

Details to come on Sunday…

Ciao fuckers.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Happy Birthday to My MOM!

Yahoo! Spent a wonderful day with my Mom, who turned 57 today - but still looks like she's 40. My Mom is in better shape than I am!! I went upstate (Peekskill) to my parent's house and we went swimming and tanning and spent a couple of hours looking at old pictures. Then I drove my Mom down to Yonkers to have dinner with my Dad @ Nagoya, this fabulous Japanese restaurant near my house...we ate like royalty (a.k.a. like a bunch of pigs). Yummy sushi!! ;-)

Now I am contemplating my sad, dateless Saturday at Sharon's wedding. Yipes. Long drive to Coram, NY - out on Long Island. I will be intimidated for about 20 minutes and then I'll get over it. I'll know some of the people there. I am not sad that I am dateless, per se, but more so that I won't really be able to hang with someone I know very well - they're all in the wedding party! But Sharon told me not to fear. We'll all be together and we'll all be trashed lol. I miss my ex-roomie!!

Nothing particularly deep to say today . . . I don't want to WHINE!! LOLOLOLOL. ;-)

Thanks for all the support and comments guys...I appreciate it!

Ciao fuckers.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Lazy Monday

I don't really have anything interesting to say today, other than, not a damn thing has changed! Still poor, still lonely, but I was told today that my raise was wrong - the number they gave me was too little: I am actually making $65K. Lucky me. Still living check to check b/c I have a problem. A spending problem. A drinking problem. LOL. I know, I know, cry me a river, right? I'm over it.

Happy to say though, that I am writing this from home - no late night at work today. Going to enjoy the next 3 days off. Gonna see McMarried - no angry emails ok? I'm going to see the guys play softball this week, on Tuesday and Thursday - he plays on the team. But I'm broke, so I won't be drinking, therefore, no flirting. Ok.

Ciao fuckers.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Another insult...

How 'bout "Cowardly the Anonymous Commentator"?


Ciao fuckers.

Soooo over it

Mmmkay. First let me say that I am exhausted beyond belief. I've gotten an average of 3-4 hours of sleep every night (morning??) since Thursday. Too much boozin'. Gah. Thank Napoleon that I am still young and my body can take the beating. Moving on.

So last night J9 and I went to Pauline's, yet again. We're such bar hags. D was bartending and when we got there it was super empty, even though it was after midnight. Her brother B was there so we shot the shit with him and contemplated going somewhere else...but we didn't. It ended up getting packkkkked. We danced our asses off. I never dance in bars. Ok, really - moving on.

Long story short, stick a fork in me, I'm done with D. Nothing incredibly profound happened to make me say that (yet again!), but I just realized that I am too good for this shit. I should not have to call a dude or text him to get some attention. I am a great person (*patting back, thanks*) and I deserve someone to shower me with attention, affection and intimacy.

In my drunken state (dude man, I'm a lush), I text'd him and said "I might want to take you home tonight" which he responded "Not tonight". Ya know what? Most people wouldn't want to include rejection in their freakin' blog, but damnit, I don't care. He is just NOT THAT INTO ME (fuck, I love this book).

I think I'm swearing off men for awhile. Ok, sorry, I couldn't even write that without chuckling. That's not true. I can't swear off them, but damnit, I am so done. I don't know what else to do. I am so lonely. I surround myself with people and yup, stilllllllll lonely. How do you freakin' meet a man in this city? I am tired of the bar scene (the guys to be found at bars, not the actual drinking, gosh!), tired of my friends trying to set me up with their boyfriend's/fiance's friends (b/c we all know what happened with J, don't we? Look in the archives if you don't)...are there any guys out there that are JUST NORMAL??? (think Road Trip when reading that...ya know, the scene where what's her face is on the bus and some guy is trying to lick her toes?...yea) Somehow, I think not. I've tried it all: internet dating, getting set up, meeting guys in bars/lounges, yadda yadda. I'm tired of flaky ass dudes who can't be honest with themselves or with me, who don't know how to even comprehend the idea of chivalry, of compassion, of affection. I've grown so weary of the men who haven't got a fuckin' clue.

And the guys that ARE sweet and who DO want to be good to me are either unattractive to me (read: the feeling isn't mutual) or unattainable (uh. read: married). J9's bro B told me last night that if he wasn't married, I'd be his woman and he would make me happy. Yea. I love you like a bro, but no thanks man. Not getting caught up in that. Plus, I used to date the other brother, M. Now M? I love him. He is great. But I love him like a brother as well, even though we did the do in the past lol. He looks out for me and vice versa. And guess what? He has a girlfriend. Ok. She's intimidated by me, by the way. Off on tangents again, sorry.

I just want a hand to hold man. I think I've said that already. I want someone that I can connect with mentally b/c yea, I like to drink and party, but I'm a deep and contemplative person. I drink and party b/c I don't have a man to go home to. I don't have a guy to talk to on the phone or have dinner with. I'm not going to fuckin' stay home all the time, on the couch, watching movies about other people who found love. Gah, just kill me now! I mean dang!

I get these super nice comments (on this here blog and in person, as well) telling me that I am beautiful, I'm great, I'd make some guy so happy one day. Well, fuck, where the hell is he then?

I'm told to wait. I'm told to stop looking. But as I already said before, men are dumb. Ok, not all, but all the ones I've ever met lol. I'm told that people are intimidated by me, but fuck man, if you're interested, let me know that. I'm not a fuckin' mind reader. You don't have to do anything elaborate, like send flowers or buy me things. I don't care about that material shit. Write me a card, send me a nice email, fuck man, give me a call!

Women are really not that complicated, guys. Well, at least I'm not. I enjoy the simple things in life. The smell of the rain, the random dandelions growing in the park, hearing my favorite song on the radio. All I want is someone to enjoy those things with. Gah, is that so much to ask?


More insults...

Voodoo provided the following:
"Douche Bag"
"Dill hole"
"Cock wad"
"Pussy fart"
"Panty stain"
FU provided:
"Baggy Cunt"
Altaf provided:
Mad Munkey provided:
And to you, I say...YOU'RE SO GROSS. Who says "I want to bang your throat"?...good line though. He must get all the chicks with that one ;-) Kudos to you, my friend!
Thanks for the comments everyone.
Ciao fuckers.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

And to you I say...

...FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol. This is great.

Insults of the week:
"Ass clown"
"Crotch rot"
"Gism jumper"
"Boob sweat"
"Cock fuck"
"Pussy clamp"
I hope to amass a more comprehensive list, so your comments are appreciated.
Ciao fuckers.

"Listen All Of Y'all It's A Sabotage"

Ok so my boss' request was simple: Take these envelopes, open 'em up, and update the contigency plan with the contact info from the forms. No problem.

As I am opening up the envelopes, I come across a single sheet of paper, stapled shut. I saw my name and I opened it up and read it.

The author of this little note didn't sign his/her name on it, so I have no clue who wrote it, but I surmised that someone left this anonymously for my boss.

Scheming little fucker.

The note described my "attitude" and the manner in which I address people when I get into work. Apparently, I'm unprofessional and 'wear [my] personal life on [my] sleeve'. Ohhh really? I give the finger to people sometimes and the author heard people saying 'don't talk to Yaz, she's in a bad mood'. Double oh really? Mr. or Ms. Anonymous Coward went on to say that s/he doesn't know how I got promoted to a supervisor with such a nasty attitude and that s/he is sure this isn't the first complaint about me. In my former position, I had the distinct pleasure of bankers having attitudes in general, so the author is sure that I had an attitude with them as well. This person also made a point to mention that, at times, I can be very sweet and pleasant (gee, thanks!), but s/he doesn't feel the need to be subjected to my attitude and shouldn't be intimidated by me, but is.

I wasn't going to blog this because I didn't want to stress it. I don't care what people think of me here b/c these motherfuckers don't cut my damn check.

My own boss has commented on my shitty demeanor on Fridays when I come in (the author also cited a specific date when s/he witnessed or was personally subjected to my attitude - and pardon the fuck out of me if YOUR goddamn Friday is my MONDAY). I come in the same way, every Friday - depressed that my glorious 3 days off during the week is over. So while all these retards go to the beach and see their families and what not, I am stuck in this building, seething. Sorry, bitches, I'm not going to come in, whistling fuckin' show tunes.

The note was laughable, considering that my boss is: 1. a female, 2. a potty mouth, 3. notorious for giving the finger...I could go on...the author must not know that about my boss.

The date cited was 6/10/05, a Friday. Over 2 months later, my boss hasn't mentioned this note to me, but kept it in an envelope for some reason. She gave me the most amazing performance appraisal, raise and official promotion...allllll at the end of June. Thanks. I am positive that she didn't realize that envelope was with the others for me to open. So, I ripped that bitch up and threw it in the bin to be shredded.

Was I wrong? Sure I was. But if she forgot about it, then I'm not going to hand it back to her with the other envelopes to remember it, thank you kindly.

I guess I always knew that people hated on me. Sorry, but I've put my time into this company, I've paid my dues. I've been here for almost 5 years. I am not going to let the haters pull me down. And why wouldn't they hate? Half of them are washed up actors and has beens who are like 15 years older than me. And I'm their FUCKIN' SUPERIOR. I am 25. And a female. Wouldn't that make you mad to know that this little young broad is making more money than you and telling you what to do?

So, I've been hanging on to these thoughts since earlier today when I got in, and the author's goal to sabotage me has been thwarted.


Ciao fuckers.

Living vicariously

So Twin waltzes (yes, looked like she was dancing on air) into work today and has this huge, shit eating grin on her face.

A little background
We are the kind of friends that don't have to talk everyday in order to be close. We met in 2003, when she was temping here at work. We kind of clicked from the start because at the time, we were the youngest women at the job and the only 2 Puerto, people always thought we were related (what, all Ricans look alike??!??! lol. j/k)...we talked about getting together to hang out and we both revealed that we hung out at gay bars, and then she let me know that she was gay. At the time, I was pretty much hating men (including the jerk I was with!) and we, ya know, started getting close.

Twin is incredibly sweet and caring and a good person to have in your corner. I can also be that way at times, but it takes alot for me to bare myself to people emotionally. I have trust issues and I've been burned too many times to let down that wall. Anyway, so Twin and I made plans to hang out and I picked her up one day after work and we went to her house in Jersey (she now lives in Brooklyn). We pretty much talked about what was going down that night, literally going down lol, and well, Twin was the first girl I had the whole experience with (prior to that, there were kisses and other stuff, but never the entire sexual...well, ya know).

I was very unsure of myself after that and realized that I wasn't gay. I was uncomfortable around her after that and whatever friendship we were supposed to have crashed and burned after that night. It wasn't until the Blackout in Aug. 2003 that we got tight again. I guess mass hysteria and walking down 48 flights of stairs into the sweltering heat and overwhelming fear of walking miles in seedy neighborhoods to get home from Manhattan can do that to people.

We've been tight ever since.

She slept over my house in the winter this year and the next night, I stayed at hers. We can do all this b/c we're friends and we talked about how I felt about being with women. We know that nothing will ever go further than friendship and that makes me happy.

So back to the present
Twin met a beautiful girl 2 weeks ago and has been entranced ever since. She talks about her all the time and this girl sounds amazing. They talk about poetry and pretty things and while I am so happy for her, it sucks that I live vicariously through my friends. ;-(

Twin had her reservations b/c the girl's family is loaded. She lives right down the block from our office building, on 56th & 6th. Wow. I told Twin not to let the fact that this girl was rich affect her. She shouldn't feel intimidated by that. I hope she doesn't. As long as the girl is down to earth and not uppity, I'm cool. Nothing but the best for my girl.

Their experience last night was tantric. Twin has a will power that I could never have. No sex, but intense kissing and real intimacy. Sometimes the intimacy is all that matters.

My little glimpse into her budding relationship makes me feel like just standing still. Not waiting, but not moving too quickly because how can anything come to pass if you're passing by it at the speed of light?

Although its been a very short period of time for them (and I told her that lesbians work fast lol), hers is the relationship that I hope for: complete intimacy and affection, realizing my dream of becoming one with someone mentally and emotionally, but never losing myself in that person.

Ahh...where is he...?

How fuckin' appropriate

Fell on Black Days - Soundgarden

Whatsoever I've feared has come to life
Whatsoever I've fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded
And now I'm doing time
Cause I fell on black days

Whomsoever I've cured I've sickened now
Whomsoever I've cradled I've put you down
I'm a search light soul they say
But I can't see it in the night
I'm only faking when I get it right
Cause I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate

So what you wanted to see good has made you blind
And what you wanted to be yours has made it mine
So don't you lock up something that you wanted to see fly
Hands are for shaking
No, not tying
No, not tying

I sure don't mind a change
But I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate

I might be bipolar

Not to sneeze at mental defections, but shit man...I read my post from last night (and thanks to Voodoo for the words of wisdom) and today...I don't really feel that way. Well, I guess I always will, but the almost prophetic way in which I expressed my emotions was uncalled for, in my humble opinion.

I think the fact that I am usually depressed about my lack of a love life was compounded by the other very real and serious fact that I am currently poor lol. Omnibus rebus consideratis (uh...all things considered, for the folks that weren't forced to take Latin in high school), I went out last night and got smashed. Ok. Well not smashed exactly, as in, I didn't drink all that much. I had 5 or 6 beers, but due to my unfortunate financial situation, I hadn't eaten all day. J9 was my bitch last night and bought all my beers lol. She also bought a basket of fried shrimp for me while we were at Pauline's. I love my J9. She looks out for me.

Anyway, so we went to Pauline's for a bit, then met up with her brother's girlfriend and her friends at Ibiza. As far as Bronx "clubby lounges" go, this one was pretty cool. Very nice interior, decent music - very eclectic, but then, given the fact that we were in the Bronx, they started in with the Spanish music (even though its a predominantly Irish neighborhood) and, ya know, a bitch had to go. So we went back to Pauline's and had a couple more beers. Around 3am I was tired and my feet hurt (who said you could dance in stilettos??...GAH!) I went home and now I'm at work.

D is working at Pauline's tonight, ok? Yes, I am going. Fuck it. Like I said, I will find me a little seat in the corner and drink my beers. J9 and I usually get pretty profound after a few, so we'll be engaged in convo all night. Mmkay. Gotta go pretend to do work.

Ciao fuckers.

Friday, August 12, 2005

My Life's stores now...

I just want to be in love man. Sometimes I think about the loneliness and I want to cry. I know I have to be strong and I know that it'll happen for me one day, but I've been single for a year and...nada. No hits, just misses...always. I know I complain at least once or twice a week on here that I'm lonely. But it hits me so hard sometimes. I look at my friends, whose phones constantly ring with guys who are 'into' them on the other end. And me, whose phone always has a full battery, even if I haven't charged it in days, because I'm never talking on it. Where the hell is he? Where is that near-perfect man that I've been waiting my entire life to meet? Why is it that I can only handle sexual relationships and then as soon as feelings are introduced, I freak out? I just want a hand to hold man....

Rock on.

Everlong - Foo Fighters
I've waited here for you

I throw myself into
And out of the red, out of her head she sang

Come down
And waste away with me
Down with me

Slow how
You wanted it to be
I'm over my head, out of her head she sang

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

Breathe out
So I could breathe you in
Hold you in

And now
I know you've always been
Out of your head, out of my head I sang

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

And I wonder
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

Secret - Maroon 5
Watch the sunrise
Say your goodbyes
Off we go
Some conversation
No contemplation
Hit the road

Car overheats
Jump out of my seat
On the side of the highway baby
Our road is long
Your hold is strong
Please don’t ever let go oh no

I know I don’t know you
But I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it
Oh no they can’t

Driving fast now
Don’t think I know how to go slow
Where you at now
I feel around
There you are

Cool these engines
Calm these jets
I ask you how hot can it get
And as you wipe of beads of sweat
Slowly you say "i’m not there yet!"

Damnit it all to hell

I am so broke. The $400 I spent this week replacing my exhaust system was the biggest mistake I've ever made. Dude, I had to ask my Dad for $100 to hold me over until I get paid on Friday. This shit sucks my will to live. I've NEVER asked to borrow money from anyone! I've always made enough. I make more money than most people I know, so how do I end up broke all the time? Fuckin' ATM nazis and their fuckin' $1 and goddamn 50 cents to take out MY fuckin' money. Fuckers. What the fuck?

So tonight I will drink. My BFF J9 will be my bitch tonight. I tried to tell her I wasn't gonna hang out b/c I'm broke, but she will have none of that. She is paying for my drinks and told me to shut the hell up, that's what friends are for. I would kick her, but I love her. She is going to try to put money in my wallet when I'm not looking, but I will shove it in her eyelids if she tries that.

I'll tell you though, its nice to know that I have friends and family who are there for me no matter what.

In other news, I've erased D from my phone. I went on another drunk texting spree last night and I just don't need the temptation. He is just not that into me. But its hard to remember that when I'm drunk. He's not bartending tonight, thank goodness, but he is tomorrow, so I might need to find a dark part of the bar and sit there in seclusion. Why even go to that bar tomorrow, you ask? Because I am a glutton for punishment and no matter how much he's not into me, it'll be nice to know that he can't keep his eyes off me...even when he's working. Because that's what he does.

Now, a question about drunk dialing / texting. I have McMarried's number in my phone. Do you think that even in my drunken state, I have the common sense to not double d or text him because I know he is married? I don't double d or text R in Florida either. Why can't I use similar logic when I pick up the phone to double d a single dude? I can't. So I erase their numbers. And then, one day, they'll call me and I'll sound all surprised like I do when J calls me, because I damn sure erased his number too.

Woe is me. I know that this is just a short period of being broke, but it sure weighs on me. Cards are maxed out, no cash - but...I guess I still have my health right? Physically, anyway lol.



Birthplace:New York, NY
Current Location:Yonkers, NY
Eye Color:Brown
Hair Color:Brown/Red/Blonde
Right Handed or Left Handed:Lefty (I'm in my right mind!)
Your Heritage:Puerto Rican
The Shoes You Wore Today:Beige pointy flats from 9 West
Your Weakness:Kindness
Your Fears:Fear itself
Your Perfect Pizza:None at all...carbs, ya know?
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:BETTER MONEY MANAGEMENT!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up:Fuck...I need coffee!
Your Best Physical Feature:My eyes
Your Bedtime:I'm an insomniac
Your Most Missed Memory:My memory lol. I have a bad one
Pepsi or Coke:Neither, don't drink soda
McDonalds or Burger King:Neither, don't eat fast food
Single or Group Dates:Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Neither, damnit, I drink WATER!
Chocolate or Vanilla:Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:Coffee
Do you Smoke:Yup
Do you Swear:FUCK YEA!
Do you Sing:In the shower
Do you Shower Daily:More than once
Have you Been in Love:Nope
Do you want to go to College:Still going...
Do you want to get Married:Eventually
Do you belive in yourself:No one else will
Do you get Motion Sickness:When other people are driving
Do you think you are Attractive:Damn right
Are you a Health Freak:Sometimes
Do you get along with your Parents:Absolutely
Do you like Thunderstorms:Love 'em
Do you play an Instrument:I wish I could play the drums
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Shit...are you kidding me? I'm a lush ;(
In the past month have you Smoked:Only Newports
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Nah
In the past month have you gone on a Date:NEGATIVE
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yup...why do you think I'm broke?!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:YUP!
In the past month have you been on Stage:Nope
In the past month have you been Dumped:Nope, not this month, lol
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:Nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:Obviously not stealin' hearts!
Ever been Drunk:Frequently
Ever been called a Tease:Frequently
Ever been Beaten up:Um. My ex is my ex for a reason
Ever Shoplifted:When I was younger
How do you want to Die:By my own hand
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:I'm grown...but still no clue
What country would you most like to Visit:Italy
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Any
Favourite Hair Color:Any
Short or Long Hair:Short
Height:6' or better
Weight:Athletic...I don't know lbs!!
Best Clothing Style:ROCKER!
Number of Drugs I have taken:2
Number of CDs I own:Hundreds
Number of Piercings:6
Number of Tattoos:7
Number of things in my Past I Regret:2

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Ok. This book? Amazing

If you don't already have it, run, fly, teleport over to your nearest bookstore and purchase "He's Just Not That Into You", the #1 NYT Best-Seller, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I knew about it before Zing recommended it, but her praise is what won me over.

This book truly is amazing and its a total testament to what we strong, powerful women should already know: Bitch, you are too fabulous to be waiting for some dumb man to call and stop making excuses for his dumb ass.

Even reading my previous posts, I am one of these stupid women. I make excuses for every man I am dealing with, the key word here being 'dealing' I opened up my eyes. Yes, I cannot change overnight, I realize this. But the more I read, the stronger I get.

And I realized that nope...he's just not that into me. No more calls. He can call me if he wants but I'm not investing my time in D. I'm certainly not waiting around for anything. I've got a life to live and men to attract!

Yahoo...and no, Zing, I have not reached the point in the book where they discuss married men and other unattainable dweebs, ok? Lol. I'll get there in a day or two!!

Ciao fuckers.

More eye candy...

The following pics are from the 19th Precinct Smoker I attended in June with J9 and her partner Sha...

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


Went to the softball game today. McMarried hit a homer. Hot.

Went out for drinks afterwards. Lots of flirting. Then he left. For some reason, C called McMarried from my phone. McMarried called back and we were on the phone for over an hour. Hmm...will not divulge the details of the conversation, but lets just say it was interesting. Gotta call D back now...

Ciao fuckers.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Blame it on Amstel

So. Had a verrrrryyyy groovy time last night hangin' with D. Drank from 8:30 pm - 4:30 am. Crrraaazzzyy. J9 left around 11:30 pm because she had to be to work at 4 am. Unfortunately, it was more packed than last time, so he had to keep the place open longer than I'd hoped. I was so wasted and sooo tired, but I was having fun, so I tried not to think about the other stuff.

Crashed at his place. I could have taken a cab to my car from the bar, but I just didn't. Blame it on Amstel. Fuck it.

There was no sex (of any kind) you filthy minded readers. But there were lots of kisses. And I plan to dispel the myth of the Irish curse. You know that the curse is, don't you?

Only got about 3.5 hours of sleep...gee what's new. He TM'd me today and said he had a good time...I'll bet he did, lol. I am being "breezy" (any Friends fans??) need to stress this - takin' it day by day.

p.s. Zing's July 30th Word of the Day was: Concupiscence. Hot. Very appropriate to include in this post. Look it up, fuckers.

Ciao fuckers.

Sunday, August 07, 2005


Going to see D (with J9 this time, hopefully) at the bar he's working at tonight. I kind of invited myself lol. He said its topless night, so I should definitely come through. He is such a sarcastic fucker.

I actually look cute today. Word.

Ciao fuckers.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Random pix...enjoy

South Beach

Hammin' it

Don't fuck with me. LOL

Drunk as hell this past New Year's with SNeighbor

Clockwise, from top left: Shaq, Janis (J9's brother's girlfriend), J9, Cousin and me - at my 25th birthday bash - 2005.

I am pretty sure I was wasted in this pic...coming back from playing pool @ Slate with Suga and J9.

Triple D

So. Was at Pauline's last night. Who walks in? D. Ok. He says hello, kiss on the cheek, how're you doing, to which I respond 'I've had better days'...anyway, he talked to some old broad for awhile, left, came back and left again.

I was busy with J9 and her brothers, so I didn't pay any mind. But I had an eye peeled, lol.

Anyway, long story short, I was talking to the girl that introduced us and she said that D doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, blah blah, he loves his ex, but he's not in love with her, yadda yadda. These are all things I already know. I said, out loud, 'I have something to say'. Her and J9 were like, 'ok say it'. I said 'to him'...but I didn't have his number. So J2 (the girl who did the intro) gave it to me and I called him.

Basically, he reiterated what I already knew about not wanting a relationship right now. He told me to put his number back in my phone and to call whenever I wanted. He said he wasn't put off by the drunk dialing/TMs b/c we all do it. Said he enjoyed hanging with me and wants to hang again, but just doesn't want the responsibility of a relationship and just wants to see where things go. I am cool with that. He told me to call him today, and I will. Feelin' much better now.

One freakin' day at a time man.

Ciao fuckers.

Thursday, August 04, 2005


Currently listening to: Everlong - acoustic Foo Fighters.

Very appropriate.

Been doing some thinking...aren't I always? Anyway, so I am just bloody lonely. only hits me at night, not because I want someone in my bed, but, well, I read somewhere that people tend to be more emotional at night. I don't know if its because our minds are weary from the day we've had or what, but I find some truth in that.

But I definitely am lonely, and I know that I cling to the possibility of spending time with someone, hence my aggression. Ok. Enough of that for now.

Off to take over the world with J9.

Ciao fuckers.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Took a pill today...

...called FUKITOL. FUKITOL is proven to make the person taking it NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT A GODDAMN THING. I pop two of those babies and my mind and heart are numb. As they should be.

Everyone should FUKITOL.

*sigh* depression mode again.

Ciao ;-(

Monday, August 01, 2005

Olive branch

Ooook. So I TM'd D a little while ago and said the following:
"This is sober, rational Yazmeen saying hello. Hope all is well with you"
Surprisingly, he replied and said:
"Hi back. I'm sleeping, I feel like shit"
To which I said:
"I'm sorry to hear that sweets. Gimme a call when you can"
And with that said, I am officially done. I was just extending the ol' olive branch b/c my stupid ass drunk dials/text messages and I tend to scare people away, for lack of a better term. I just want to know that the guy I'm diggin', digs me back. Ok. Now Zing has been reading "He's Just Not That Into You", which I plan to pick up tomorrow. I need to know what's up, not just with D, but with any dude. See, with D - I don't expect anything. I just met him a little over a week ago and we've only seen each other once since. So - gonna wait that one out and see what happens. Now, if I was seeing a dude for a few months and we have the relations and all, and he doesn't call/text me as much as I call/text him - Houston, we have a problem. That's what happened with J and see...he was just not that into me, proven by the fact that he now has a girlfriend that ain't me.
And so it goes.
I am pre-menstrual, bloated and fat. I want to crawl into a hole, but Cousin is making me get up at the ass crack of dawn to go to the gym, mall, pool tomorrow. Long day. Then off with SNeighbor to her company's softball game.
Feelin' like a muffin top. LOL.
Ciao fuckers.

AOL Nazis

Fuck AOL.

All this AOL Beta bullshit is supposed to improve the quality of my fuckin' email checking, ok? Not hinder it. So what the fuck is up with my email bastards? I thank goodness that I don’t use them as my fuckin’ ISP. I’m talking about the AOL Beta online shit. Damnit. Fuckers. Slow as all shit.

Ciao bitches.