Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Monday, May 30, 2005

Sleepy!

R and I concluded today that in the last 48 hours, we only got 8 hours of sleep! And we are exhausted!

R came over last night and we hung out - talked...

Apparently, his ex wasn't on the same page with him when he broke up with her - he was under the impression that they were both ready for it to be over and now that he knows she's not, he feels guilty. I just listened and told him that he could tell me anything, b/c that's the kind of girl that I am. I think I've just been lonely the past week or so and started feeling needy (aghhhh!!!)...so, I'm over the whole thing now. I mean, the part where I feel as though I am getting attached. He and I talked about it and finally, we were just like, well we have an understanding - we don't want to hurt each other b/c we really like spending time with each other, so there it is. We're cool.

And we're bored here at work...we didn't go to sleep until almost 3am and we woke up at 7am...it's soooo slow here at work and I have nada to do. So R and I have just been bullshitting since he got in at 10am. The + side is that there was no traffic (ZERO traffic) driving into the city and I got parking right in front of the building...so I saved $25 in parking! Yahoo!

Cousin and I are going to dinner tonight after I get outta work at 6pm, so hopefully, it will be an early night so that I can get some sleep!

Ciao for now, beeeetches!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Who am I?

How did I get here? Just a few posts ago, I talked about not wanting to go further than just a physical relationship with R. No, no, don't want to see him more than once a week blah blah. Oh how foot fits neatly into mouth. Fuck. Through TM, we both revealed that we're getting used to being with each other. He wants to see me again tonight. And I must admit. I want him to. He wants to keep things simple - he has tons of emotional weight weighing him down. He doesn't have the luxury of being able to feel the way he wants to feel for someone. He has to get over his ex, if that is indeed what he plans on doing. But I don't want a relationship though - at least not the kind where I feel confined...who am I? This is so weird. Maybe its just a phase? Maybe I'm just really lonely and he fills a void. Fully fills it, mind you lol. But fills it nonetheless. Ahhhhhhhh...I ask you again: How did I get here?

More like a smitten lion...

So. In my fruitless efforts to put up a wall, I'm sad to say that it might be coming down. Am I in love? Of course not! But I am definitely smitten...bad.

From the post below, it could be deducted that I was waiting to hear from R...which I did, finally, after I'd already made plans to hang out with H. So he calls and says he would like to see me, but he's in Long Island (at the wedding). I was like, well its cool because I already made plans to go out for drinks with my girlfriend. He was like damn ok. So we hang up and I bounce. Then he calls me while H and I were at Rory's (which was a real snore, by the way) and was like, are you out with your girlfriend, and I'm like yea. So he asks where at and I tell him, Rory's, where I took you for our first date. He says ok, I'm on 42nd Street now..., I want to see you. I'm like ok kewl, come up here and we'll have some drinks. He was stuck in traffic and H and I were like, this is wack, let's go. So long story short, H and I go to her house in a cab and I get my car, go home and wait for R. He popped up about 30 minutes later. It was about 1:30am at this point. We stayed up and talked for awhile - its the dry season and unfortunately, I couldn't get lucky lol, though he tried. But we talked and he asked why I get mad at him and I told him I don't. He explained the things that went on with him and his ex - the breakup, how he stills cares for her very much and I just nodded and told him 'of course'. I have a feeling that if they work out their issues, they'll get back together. He made a point of saying that he cares for me as well and will only tell me things if, 1. they affect me and 2. if I want to know. I told him to tell me whatever he felt comfortable talking to me about. He said that he would. We talked until 5am and went to sleep. I didn't sleep very well, but he damn sure did lol.

I fear that I am going to get used to having R around, spoiling me. I am so afraid of that. He knows that I don't want a relationship and obviously, neither does he. He says he is a bad boyfriend. I told him then its a good thing neither of us want a relationship b/c I am the best girlfriend ever. Lol. I gotta start meeting some other guys b/c if I don't, I'm going to get too involved (Jess!!!!!!! Aghhhhh) with R. :-(...can't let that happen. When he touches me...omg, I get chills. I can't get that feeling out of my mind. Ok, **gut check time, bitches**...gotta get back to the old Yaz! No more of this sappy shit! lol...I hope I can back that up!

Ciao for now...

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Attention grabber...

Well, if I'd known that thwarting all attempts to be seen by this man that he'd stop trying, shit, I would have taken advantage whilst I had the chance lol. That's all I'm saying. As usual, I talk too soon and end up getting a phone call, but shit, it's been all day and I haven't heard from him. Oh, curse this ghastly loneliness. I'm not calling him. I TMd him earlier to ask if he wanted to hang out after the wedding (of course, at my casa, as my stomach is still a wreck) but...no response. Aww hell. I will probably call him when I'm on my way home. Not to make excuses lol, but sometimes I text him while we're both at work and he doesn't even realize it. So, perhaps that's the case? Or perhaps he took his girl/ex-girl to the wedding with him. I dunno. I suppose I'll find out later.
But I guess my advice is this: when someone wants to shower you with attention, take it cuz you never know when a drought is near!

New development: My cousin TMd me a couple of hours ago. She is on her way to Maryland with her fiance to visit his sister for the weekend. We went back and forth for awhile and then she called me, saying that he wanted to talk to me. So he gets on the phone and is like hiiiii, how are you? I'm like, I'm great, we make small talk etc. Then he goes, so I heard about what happened up in White Plains. I was like yea, it was pretty funny. He was like, was it? And I'm all, yea, hilarious actually. And then I tell him that I know J told him he'd call me, but he shouldn't bother. So he goes, really, why? I tell him, well, because there is no point, he has nothing to explain - can't fix that. So he asks if I want him to relay that message and I said no, the conversation should be interesting. He said he'd keep it to himself then and laughed. He must see that his boy was a weeee out of line with the whole lying about being so busy thing. So he asks if it ruined my night out and I said, hell no, it just made it more interesting and fun. I told him that I don't get mad, I just laugh about shit, which is the damn truth. Similar situation happened with my ex, and that situation is why he went from being my man to being my ex in the first place. ((I won't get into that whole thing right now, 1. b/c it's a long story and 2. b/c it's 9 month old water under the bridge)) - and I laughed about that too. Well, laughed for awhile, then was mad, but you get my point. Laughter first, because life is too short to stress shit, especially small stuff (yea, "small" is meant to be ambiguous in this context LOLOLOL) and life is just so funny sometimes.

Ok, just had to add that in - I will update on this situation again if he calls me (it's sure to be amusing) but I'm done until then!

Ciao for now!

Ha ha...dedicated to...?

"Smile Like You Mean It" - The Killers

Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young
Boy, one day you'll be a man

Oh girl, he'll help you understand
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant
And someone is playing a game
In the house that I grew up in
And someone will drive her around
Down the same streets that I did
On the same streets that I did

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

Smile like you mean it

DANG!

My dang stomach is still killing me. I don't know what I ate that was so bad, but man, am I regretting that meal now! R didn't come over last night to play doctor, unfortunately, but he called me, so that was cool too. I was half asleep and we only talked for a few minutes. Poor thing has to go to a wedding today all by his lonesome b/c I have to freakin' work. :(...oh well, such is life...maybe I'll see him lata.

In other news, lol, nothing much to report. It hasn't been a very exciting week, well, except for the whole J thing. The more I think about that whole thing, the more I realize that he couldn't really tell me anything other than "I'm seeing someone else"...which, in his eyes, could be harsh. Not to me though. I mean, I've been seeing R for a month and didn't find the need to call J up to tell him that. But then again, I also didn't blow him off. So...no more making up excuses for him lol. In the words of Shakira "No sólo de pan vive el hombre y no de excusas vivo yo"...

I've learned not to depend on the word of any man, period. Men lie. It was kewl while it lasted, but J has created a very awkward situation for himself, considering we have wedding shit to do together. And that's not the end of it. I mean, he might be at parties that my cousin and her hubby-to-be have, or at b-day gatherings, whatever. As a matter of fact, I'm helping her plan her fiance's b-day party in July. So - he fucked up. I'm not going to feel uncomfortable about shit. BUT! Trust me when I tell you that I plan on having a date for every single event that he'll be at lol. He ain't getting close to me at all. I don't want to hear it. And he is genuinely a decent person who feels the need to explain his side of things. But I am a genuinely not-giving-a-fuck person, so it would be in his best interest to save his breath. Now mind you, I don't plan on being nasty to him. I am a cordial bitch - I'll say my hellos and goodbyes, but other than that, no need for idle convo. He killed that possibility. He also mutilated what could have been a good friendship - don't blow me off and expect a buddy. Uh uh. No thanks. Anyway, I've spent enough time dwelling on this whole thing. I will see/speak to him when I have no other choice...like when he's on another date in a place that I frequent lol.

Staying in this weekend until my tummy is all better. It sucks because its Memorial Day wknd and all, but I need to stay close to home lol. I'm sure I won't be too lonely. Plus, R and I are pretty much working the same hours on Monday, so I'll get to spend a whole day with him here. My cousin and I made plans for a girly night - dinner and a movie - on Monday. ;-) Yay!

Ciao for now, bitches.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Smitten kitten

So. Saw R at work today. He is just so adorable. I think he broke up with his girlfriend...apparently, she's all hurt and lashing out...according to him, that is. Anyway. He asked me to go to a wedding with him tomorrow. I have to work. Weird. It's a little scary how I am not completely mortified. Maybe that's because I'm just a smitten kitten over him. I swear, I didn't want to like him, but it's kind of inevitable. Grrr.

Oh well. This one will end as all the others, so nothing to worry about there. There is nothing wrong with showing and getting some attention every now and then...looking forward to seeing someone is kewl. I just know in advance that it's all gonna get fucked up somehow anyway, so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Not feeling very well today, so I'm going home around 8pm. Hopefully, R will be over later to play doctor...I mean, hang out.

Ciao for now

Maybe it's me...

...?? is it? I don't know. I really don't need J to call me, as he told my cousin's fiance he would. We have nothing to talk about. No...please don't call me dude. Oooh. To quote Jess' favorite part of "Seventy Times Seven" (BN):
"So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish
I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield"...YUP.
Word.
I miss R, lol. Dang! ;-(...

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Ya think ya know someone...

...and find out ya don't. Why do disappointments in my life come in groups? Never just one thing at a time. Always more than one. Makes me want to quote BN: "I've seen more spine in jellyfish..."
Long story short, the whole J mystery has been solved. I went out in White Plains yesterday for dinner with my roommate, her fiance, and her co-workers. We went next door around 6 or 7, to this place James Joyce, and they all go toward the back of the bar and get stools next to...J, who was apparently on a date lol. I dragged roomie to the bathroom and told her he was there and we were just laughing. As we were coming out of the bathroom, he had the audacity to say hi to me! I was like, yea hi. And the thing is, he knows my roommate, her fiance - they were just like yea ok, hi (like what a dick, you know). He was squirming. He stayed for about an hour and left. The chick was cute. Lol. But whatever. He went about it all the wrong way, if you ask me. We had an understanding - we could see whomever we wanted, but dude, don't expect to not see me where you KNOW I hang out. Whatevsssssssssss
And R, well I haven't heard his voice in a couple of days. He's TMd me, but I'm sure he's laid up in Happyland with his woman lol. He said he wrote me an email to explain, but I never got it. Again, whatevsssssssss.
On to the next...................................

Monday, May 23, 2005

Aww hell

Blew another flippin' tire last night - doing 80 on the highway, no less. I had to ride on my poor ass rim and wake up my roommate to come and get me at the bottom of the hill that leads up to our neighborhood. I am so mad. I woke up early today to walk down to where my car was parked and take it to the Mobil service station. Got a donut on that bitch because I have to buy all new rims - the current ones are cracked and keep blowing my fuckin' tires out. Grrr.

Some disturbing stories:
Michael Jackson's nasty ass
Dirty fuckin' priests

I don't know what's worse: a "celebrity" who molests little boys and plies them with wine to do it, or priests and members of the church (male AND female) having sex with children. Did they too ply the children with communion wine? This is why I don't believe in religion. It's all bullshit. What kind of "god" allows the people who were "called" to the church to molest children? Fuck free will. We are animals. We evolved from animals. "God" doesn't control that...why not? Because "god" doesn't exist. There is no reason that "god's" children have to suffer, to have their innocence stolen from them by an adult who should know better. Yea, I'm on my fuckin' soapbox and I'm pissed off. Millions of people worship a statue (frowned upon in the bible, mind you)...are asked for blind faith because "god" is not tangible, not visible, but people believe in that. Why do people listen to the lies of "men of the cloth", when its these same men who protect each other - cover up for each other's lies because of their "brotherhood". Give me a damn break.
And all you Michael Jackson freaks out there, who used to cry when they saw him in concert - spare me your sour comments. He has openly admitted that he takes children into his bed, children that are not his own. What's to stop him from taking further inappropriate action and molesting them too? Open your eyes. I don't care if he is a freakin' singer or bum on the street - no one should get away with lewd acts against children. It's vile. This is why some children grow up to be criminals or sexual predators - they act out. Don't people realize this? Why revere some church freak with a black sheet on and a white collar or the self-proclaimed "king of pop", who hangs "his own" babies out of windows for the press? Wake up people, before its your kids who are the victims. Fuckin' pigs. If there is a hell, I hope people like this rot in it.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

"What You Are" - Audioslave

And when you wanted me
I came to you
And when you wanted someone else
I withdrew
And when you asked for light
I set myself on fire
And if I go far away I know
You'll find another slave

Cause now I'm free from what you want
Now I'm free from what you need
Now I'm free from what you are

And when you wanted blood
I cut my veins
And when you wanted love
I bled myself again
Now that I've had my fill of you
I'll give you up forever
And here I go far away
I know you'll find another slave

Cause now I'm free from what you want
Now I'm free from what you need
Now I'm free from what you are

Then the vision came to me
When you came along
I gave you everything
But then you wanted more

Serafina...

"Oh, what a night!"...

Word. Left work @ 10pm - raced home and changed into party clothes. I looked damn good, if I do say so myself. Drove downtown. R was in Manhattan - he was supposed to go to a bday party for one of the chicks that works for me. So, I TM'd him to see where he was at. He responded that he just got to her thing and asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was dtown, driving to Serafina. Didn't hear back from him. Ok.

After getting lost down there due to crappy directions from Map Quest, finally got there around midnight. That place is so hot and so was the damn bartender. Goodness gracious, I need to go back on a slow night and see if he's there. Anyway - had a great time - it was my girlfriend's birthday - we're in my cousin's wedding party together, so I had to come thru. Had 3 drinks...strong ones lol. Left there around 2:30 am. Took a LIMO back to my car (lol, I was a little tipsy, so I don't remember how we ended up in a limo) with H, Julz & her girlfriend B...

Went up to Riverdale to the b-day girl's house (ok - just a little background - the b-day girl, Jess, is Julz' brother's girlfriend - I went to high school with him and Julz - my cousin is not really my cousin, but we're very close and H is her sister. My cousin and H are Julz' and her brother's cousins. Real cousins lol. Got it? Good.)...drank some more and smoked a little. It was decided somehow that H and I were sleeping over - we were wreckedddd. Her ex and his boy came through so we all sat around and bullshat. Lol. Past tense of bullshit is bullshat ok? Like sit, sat? Alrighty then. Anyway, so H threw up first and then it was my turn lol.

*That's me, hurrying the story along*

Passed out around 5am, woke up @ 10:15am...H and I went to the Riverdale Diner and had breakfast, then I dropped her off at home. I got to my house around 11:30am - took a looong shower and got to work at 12:45pm. Rock on.

Haven't had that much fun hanging out on a weekend in a looooooong time. Been a couple of months. But, I know I'll be feeling the lack of sleep later. Oh yea, and I drunk dialed R like 5 times and TMd him too. Dang! Another double-D attack! Ugh, I don't need to mix alcohol and electronic equipment lol. He didn't answer - come to find out, he ran into his GF last night and there was drama. I didn't ask what happened, but I'm sure he'll tell me at some point.

Ok, anyway, got to get back to work *joy* but I'm sure I'll have more to report later, bitches. R is TMing me like crazy today...perhaps making up for his lack of response last night?

Ciao for now

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Getting to know me...

  1. If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be? Upstate NY or Cali
  2. What is your favorite article of clothing? Every single one of my blessed shoes
  3. If you could have chosen your name, what would it have been? Napoleon Dynamite
  4. The last cd that you bought? Um....dang, it's been awhile!
  5. Where is your favorite place to be? In bed...for lots of reasons...or the gym...for some of those same reasons lol
  6. Where is your least favorite place to be? Work
  7. What time do you wake up in the morning? Usually before 8 am everyday to go to the gym
  8. What's your favorite kitchen appliance? What's a kitchen?
  9. What makes you really angry? Social injustice and poverty
  10. If you could play an instrument, what would it be? Bass guitar
  11. Favorite Colors? Black (b/c it's slimming...haven't we gone thru this?)
  12. Favorite Children's Book? Um...Oh, the Places You'll Go
  13. What's your favorite music genre? Rock, alternative...haven't you already figured that out?
  14. What's your favorite season? Spring and Fall (anytime that isn't sweltering hot or bitterly cold and I'm cool)
  15. If you could have one super power, what would it be? To heal the pain of others
  16. Have a tattoo? Seven of them
  17. The one person from the past you wish you could go back and talk to? Pshhh...the past is the past for a reason
  18. What is your favorite day? Any day I'm not at work
  19. What is in the trunk of your car/truck/van? A better question to ask is, what isn't?
  20. Sushi or Hamburger? Sushi
  21. Favorite smell? The smell in the air before it rains...

I Heart NY...

...but not today. It took me an hour and a half to drive down to work today b/c every other freakin' street was blocked off for something or freakin' other. There is a parade and a freakin' fair...ugh! I just wanted to get to work early so that I could leave early, but nooooooo. I have to leave @ 10:30pm now. :-(

But I must say, living in NY is such an experience, if only I could take advantage of it more often. It's such a beautiful day and I'm stuck here at work, doing mind-numbing, boring ass shit. I need a new freakin' job.

Ciao for now

Friday, May 20, 2005

Ok, sorry I just had to...

"La Tortura" (The Torture) Shakira f/ Alejandro Sanz...the English translation:

I'm not asking that every day be sunny
I'm not asking that there be a party every Friday
Nor do I ask you to come back begging forgiveness
If you're crying with dry eyes,
Speaking about her

Oh my love, it hurts so much
It hurts so much
That you left without saying a word
Oh my love, losing you was torture

I know I haven't been a saint
But I can make it up to you

Man doesn't live on bread alone
Nor do I live on excuses

We only learn from mistakes
And today I know my heart is yours

Better save that for yourself
Take that bone to some other dog
And let's say goodbye

I can't ask winter to spare a rose bush
I can't ask an elm tree to bear pears
I can't ask the eternal of a mere mortal
And go about casting thousands of pearls before swine

Oh my love, it hurts so much
It hurts so much
That you no longer trust my promises
Oh my love, losing you has been torture

I know I haven't been a saint
And I'm not made of stone

Man doesn't live on bread alone
Nor do I live on excuses

We only learn from our mistakes
And today I know my heart is yours

Better save that for yourself
Take that bone to some other dog
And let's say goodbye

Listen, baby, don't you go
Listen, baby, don't get angry
From Monday to Friday you have my love
Give Saturday to me and you'll be better off
Listen baby, don't punish me anymore
Without you, out there I have no peace
I'm just a repentant man
I'm the bird that returns to its nest

I know I haven't been a saint
And I'm not made of stone

Man doesn't live on bread alone
Nor do I live on excuses

We only learn from our mistakes
And today I know my heart is yours

Better save it for someone foolish enough to believe you and say goodbye...

Oh after all I've done for you
It was such a torture to lose you
It hurts me so that it's like this
Keep on crying sorry
I…
I'm not going
To cry over you

Lucky Charms and Bubbles

Lol. Had to email R this morning to let him know that he left his watch at my house. Got a pretty interesting reply...something about me being "delicious". So I fwd'd it to Jess (look, girls do that sometimes, ok?) and said that I was apparently "magically delicious" and she is going to call me Lucky lol. Had to share that.
Also, have some time at work now, so I'll write a wee bit more.
This R situation is a little weird. He is getting so attached, wants to see me almost every night...dang! I can't take the pressure lol. I swear, I'm doomed to be single forever. Just say the word commitment and I cringe. What? I'm sorry, I don't know what that word means. Sounds like a curse word, to me. So when someone gets all...ehhhhhhh...attached, I get all weird about it. But he's cool, man. Such a dorky nerd. But cool lol. I know that he is in a rough situation with his woman and probably just needs someone to relate to - I'll wear that hat, but that's about the only part of that outfit I'm putting on. Don't need that kinda shit. And regardless of the kind of wonderful person he is, there is definitely baggage there. I've got enough of my own and I'd really like to drop it off somewhere before I get on another plane, feel me?
Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little bit. Maybe I've got the P-Power I talk to Jess about lol. Maybe its that that he is attached to. I don't blame him lol. ;-) I'm good like that. But, for real, I'm wondering if maybe I've gotten myself in further with this than I should have. The challenge is always what gets me going - now that I have him (in some way, shape or form),
I am just like...regret isn't the right word. Maybe...discontent. He is great: amazingly smart, sweet, handsome (he's not my type physically - I like a little muscle on my men - he's skinny lol), great in bed (especially in certain activities - I believe I used the phrase "fuckin' ridiculous" after he uh...spoiled me lol) - but...ahhh I dunno how to describe what I am feeling about this situation. I am completely detached - I know the deal. We are just 2 people having fun, but I guess it's the fact that he works where I work, we see each other here twice a week, he calls me everyday (yea, we text back and forth, but I don't call him on the reg.) - I feel confined a little. I'm all sorts of confused lol. Can't find the right words...but maybe I don't need to - it is what it is and I know that, but this situation is a little different. Whatever. I am just so bored at work - got me thinkin' 'bout shit.
You know who is ridiculously hot? Shakira. GOODNESS GRACIOUS, that woman is fuckin' beautiful. I was checking out the "La Tortura" video (the song, by the way, is beautiful) at the gym today and I was just mesmerized. Dang!
Lol...my other nickname is "Bubbles"...you know, like the thought bubbles from cartoons? I'm random like that lol.

Ciao!

"Everybody, everybody, everybody..."

Please listen to System of a Down's "Violent Pornography". All of SOAD's songs are so political, but most people gloss that over when they listen...anyway. On to other news...

Hung out with R last night. I was a little...um...not extremely overjoyed to see him - I am PMSing something awful. But we had a VERY good time, as usual. He spoils me so. Lol.

This weekend I think I'm just going to take it easy. No crazy partying. Unless I go to Pierview tomorrow night. We shall see how I feel when I get home from work. I haven't been feeling well lately - allergies and the like, I guess. My back is killing me. I either pulled a muscle at the gym this week, or got a little too acrobatic while...um. 'Nuf said.

Feeling good though - gave some good advice to Jess today. Happy that I've been in her shoes enough times to really know that my advice is decent. Can't let these men get the best of us. Men are like parasites: they latch on to the psyche and hold on for dear life. I'd like to think of life as a scene in "Fight Club" - "I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let's evolve, let the chips fall where they may". Detach, let go - everything will work itself out, whether it makes you happy or miserable. Gotta get rolling with life before it rolls over you.

peace

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Sniiiitch and other news

I'm not going to get into details because Jess already did. But I will say that I had a fantastic time hangin' out with my girl last night and I am happy rockin' out in the whip anytime lol. I share the sentiment...I feel old! It took so much effort for me to get ready yesterday. I just wanted to go out in sweatpants lol. The effort was worth it though because I had a good time. Nothing like friends and alcohol put together! ;-)

I am seeing R tonight...I kind of blew him off the past 2 nights, truthfully citing "me time" as the reason. I just needed some time to myself and some girly time with my...well, girls lol. And he should be here any second, so I gotta go, but before I do...

Florida R emailed me last night (lol, I have to differentiate between initials now, since I won't give up any names lol)...Marine man, the love of my life. He said he had a cousin in Miami and he might conveniently go visit her while I'm in South Beach in October. Nice. He knows he shouldn't but hey, I didn't mention it, so perhaps he will. I hope so. We'll see what he says the next time he emails or calls me...

Ciao!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

"Smokin' the herb again..."

Lol. Yea, I am. Just a weee leeettle beet. Lol. R left me a little something, so I toked last night. Whateva, Lol.

Speaking of R: He wanted to hang out with me AGAIN last night. I told him no. Now, I know you're probably thinking, "Girl, are you crazy?"...but well, yes I am -- hey, that's not the point! I can't allow myself to get caught up, getting used to him being around. Granted, as my girl Jess pointed out, he comes to Yonkers all the way from Jersey City to see me. He makes an effort. And spoils me sexually when he's with me. I can't take that more than once a week. If I see him more often, it's going to cause problems...he's already talking about shit that hasn't happened yet (me meeting his friends, blah blah)...no way. I might see him on Thursday lol. We were on the phone last night and he asked what I was doing today...I told him I was hanging out with my girl Jess... ;-)...I haven't picked my friends over a piece of ass in a loooooooooonngggg time. Shit, I picked watching Bo on American Idol over a piece of ass (p.s. Bo is the shit and if he doesn't win AI, I am going to write someone an angry letter - but that's ok, I'll still buy all of his albums. BO FUCKIN' ROCKS) . Well, that and the fact that my landlord's married NYPD cop son was over at my house [and just happens to live underneath my neighbors], without a shirt on, fixing the front door that I demolished with my shoulder a couple weeks back lol. I should break shit more often. Oh yea, AND he goes to my gym. Lol.
Ok, I have a long day today lol not really, I can't back that up. Mani/pedi @ 10am, to the gym, laundry perhaps, then callin' Jess to see what the plan is! Yahoo! ;-)
Ok ciao!

Monday, May 16, 2005

It's Official..."FWB" lol

What's happening y'all?

I am ending my day at work soon (thank goodness!!) and going home to clean...cuz R is coming over tonight. We spent 2 hours on the phone last night after I got home from work and we talked a little about this "situation". I told him that all I could handle right now was the "FWB" and he said he doesn't like to label things - said he just sees it as him hanging out with someone he enjoys spending time with. I said - well, yea we like to spend our time having sex, lol. No, I really did say that. But I can tell that he really likes me and that's cool with me. I was very firm about just doing the do - and he maintains that yes, it's fun but he just sees us as 2 people having fun. Ok, I can live with that...we're out to set a record tonight lol. Can't wait.

In other news, I also cannot wait to have the next 3 days off. I am going to get so much accomplished...going to the gym to flirt with some hot dudes lol...oh yea, I mean, to work out. Gotta get my nails and feet done...gotta clean my pigsty of a room lol (but I need to do that tonight...) and I'm sure I'll find some other things that need to be taken care of. I actually have to do some work from home, which is always exciting. I just can't fuckin' wait to get out of here!

Ciao!

Sunday, May 15, 2005

"Simple Kind of Lovely" - Maroon 5

Just a quote people. Go here for the lyrics.

"Where do I aim when I shoot the breeze?/How do I calm myself at times like these?...It was just a simple kind of lovely/And the memories will be ok"

"The Best of You" - Foo Fighters

I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Holdin’ you

Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must
Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I’ve got another confession my friend
I’m no fool
I’m getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new


Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Fill in the blanks...it'll be fun!

Leave me a comment with your version of Prince's "Darling Nikki":

'I knew a [boy/girl] named [name here] I guess you could say [he/she] was a [noun/verb] fiend. I met [him/her] in a [place] [transitive sex act] with a magazine. [He/she] said “How'd you like to waste some time?” And I could not resist when I saw little [same name here] [sex act]. [He/she] took me to her [describe place] and I just couldn't believe my eyes. [He/she] had so many [sex toys], everything that money could buy. [He/she] said “Sign your name on my [body part].” The lights went out and [same name here] started to [sexually suggestive action]. The [place] started spinning or maybe it was [body part]. I can't tell you what [he/she] did to me, but my [body part] will never be the same. [His/her] [sex act] will kick your behind. [He’ll/she'll] show you no mercy. But [he’ll/she'll] sho'nuff, sho'nuff show you how to [sex act].
I woke up the next morning [Same name here] wasn't there. I looked all over and all I found was a phone number on the [part of place]. It said “Thank you for a [describe time together]. Call me whenever you want to [sex act].'

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Can't have you people thinking I'm actually torn up about this J shit! Lol. I'll admit, I'm bummed out, but what can I do? I'm not going to jump through hurdles to make a man interested in me. I know it's all in my head. He never said anything that would give me the impression that he is no longer interested, and it had been only a week since he last called me. But...the tone. He was friendly as always. I am just jumping to conclusions and I'm sure I'll have a post in the near future that contradicts this one (and the ones from yesterday lol) when he calls me and wants to hang out. But in the meantime, let a girl vent lol. Nah, I'm done with that situation. No more J talk (unless something changes, of course lol).

I could have gotten ass last night. But I chose otherwise. Why, you say? Because I was fuckin' tired. Did my hour at the gym before working for 10 hours, plus a 45 minute commute (driving, of course) each way? Long ass day. Got home around 10:30pm and laid out. I wanted to go out, but once I got home, I was so exhausted. What is wrong with me lately? I have no desire to go out anymore! I am just so tired of the whole scene already, you know? Tired of the little neighborhood bars (read: "shitholes") that I have been to with J9. Wanted to hit a nice spot, like Pierview in Yonkers. Classy bar/lounge that plays good music and the people are fabulous lol. But no, J9 fronts. So I went home and watched TV. R TMd me (sigh) and asked what I was up to. Said I was tired. He then called me and proceeded to talk more about his business...blah blah dude, I'm happy for you, but please, can we talk about other stuff too? Dang! Anyway - we started talking about kids (which freaked me out) - weird names for them and that kind of thing. He said his boy named his kid something weird and then says, "don't tell him I said this, b/c I'm sure you'll meet him at some point or another"...um, dude, how did I go from "bed-buddy" to "friend-meeter"? Lol...um, I was ok with my original status, my friend. Then he made a comment about wishing he could stop working for a couple of days (his side business, he means) and go someplace nice...he goes "wouldn't that be great?"...yea, sure...great for you! Not for me! I hope he wasn't implying that we'd go someplace together! He keeps saying things like this..."You've never been to the Jersey shore? I'll take you one day"...what? Nooooooo. Last night: "Damn, if I would have known you wanted to see the Trinidad fight, I would have picked you up and taken you to my boy's house with me"...what? Nooooooo. He then proceeded to calculate how long it would take him to get me, then back out to NJ (Bayonne, wherever that is) to see if we'd make it there in time to watch the fight. Nooooooo dude. I like ya, but I don't like ya like that. Not expecting to meet the friends and all that. Nooooooo. Lol. Dang! I mean, am I wrong? I don't want anyone making future plans for me. I need a date to 2 weddings coming up within the next 6 months (my roomie's in August and my cousin's [in which I am a bridesmaid] in November)...and I don't plan on asking R. So I sincerely hope that he is just talking shit about meeting the friends and shit. B/c I am about to call an escort service to get dates for these weddings lol j/k...but I bet they'd be hot, no?

I gotta get close to one of these dudes from my gym. I refuse to not have a date for my cousin's wedding. She is not doing the whole wedding party-sits-together thing. She is putting us at tables with our dates. WTF??!? This puts even more pressure on me. And the dude is going to have to be ridiculously good looking because J is in the wedding with me as well. (sigh)...anyway - for my roomie's wedding, less pressure because I am going to know alot of the guys there...but THEY ALL HAVE G-FRIENDS! WTF?! Ugh, so I have to find a date before August rolls around. I know I can ask J. I know this. But I will not. Well...unless there are only 2 weeks left and I have no other choice. Lol. Please, I hope it doesn't come down to that!!!!!!!!!
That's it: I am going to spend every free moment at the gym and snuggle up with one of the hot dudes lol. I'm not all about the going out thing right now, so that's the only other place I have the opportunity to meet dudes besides work (and we already know I got someone at work) so...the hunt begins...again!
Ciao!

Some lyrics for that ass...

(Click song name to view, mmkay?)
Orgasm - Porno for Pyros (LOLOLOLOL...ahhh. Jess, I've explained my agony! Lol)
Closure - Chevelle...insprirational - "You will never belong to me..."
What's My Age Again - Blink 182 - "What the hell is ADD?" lol
Mistakes We Knew We Were Making - Straylight Run "So we bottled and shelved all our regrets/Let them ferment and came back to our senses" [genius, no?]
Figured You Out - Nickelback (lol..."you're like my favorite damn disease")
The Break-Up Song - Different Strokes
Mix Tape - Brand New
The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New
I Apologize - Prick "Bye, bye, I kiss the bottle goodbye...forever" (Lol...funny, but it'll never happen)
Because I Got High - Afroman (lol)
And making a RARRREEEEE appearance...some R&B:
Throwback - Usher (this is what those fools who fuck up will be singing...eventually lol)

TTFN
Ciao.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

"It's Good to Know That If I Ever Need Attention, All I Have to Do is Die" - Brand New

Am I correct to defend the fist that hold this pen?
It's ink that lies
The pen, the page, the paper
I live; I learn
You will always take what I have earned
So aid my end
While I believe I'm winning

Our friends speak out in our defense
I pay ten deaf ears for two months' rent
We burn the gallows they erect
And cut the nooses they tie for our necks

You constantly make it impossible
To make conversation

We're comatose but audible
And I like it the farther I get out
We passed it off but it's all on us
Common conversation, it took everything I got
And I like it the farther I get out

Once said, always said
I will hold the past over your head
I'll speak my mind whenever I feel slighted
I am hell-bent
I'm extracting all of my revenge
Take heart, sweetheart
Or I will take it from you

We slip, concealed, back to the keep
Concede to do the work for free
We prey as wolves among the sheep
And slit the necks of soldiers while they sleep

HMPH!!!!!!!!!! Part 3

Yuck. Why do I do these things to myself? I called J today, just to say hello. I haven't spoken to him since like last Tuesday, whatever. In the almost 6 months that we've known each other, we'd text each other nearly everyday. And this week has been kewl, I've been busy, you know?...Anyway, long story short, I called him around 3:30p while I was taking a smoke break outside. He (gasp!) picks up the phone and is just like, "Hey, what's up dude? How've you been?"...so I was like "I'm cool, you know, been busy, just calling to see if you're alive." He was with his bro doing stuff for the wedding, so he said he'd call me back. Lucky me, he actually called me back around 5:30p. We talked like we were old friends and that's kewl and everything, but not once did he say "Hey, dude, we haven't hung out since your birthday. Let's make plans to get together."...um, nope, never happened. I asked him what he was doing with the rest of his day and he said he was going out to Long Island (he used to go to Stony, so he has buddies out there). Ok kewl, then I was just like ok, well enjoy the rest of your day, I'm gonna get back to work. He was like ok, take care...Um. What's wrong with this picture? Is it something I said lol, *smelling armpits*, do I stink? I mean come on. SO!

Another one bites the dust. WTF. He was the DUDE!!!!!!!!!!! The one who would have made me forget all the others, the worthless pieces of ass I've been collecting like millenium quarters. Whyyyyyyyyy??!??!??! So I text my cuz (the one who hooked us up in the first place) and said "Well, I guess I have to find a date for (your) wedding.", and she asked what happened, I explained and she said "Don't worry about it, on to the next"...Dude, you don't have to tell me twice, shit. What a fuckin' disappointment though. I mean, I gushed about the dude to anyone who'd ask me. He was sweet and thoughtful...he was and still is an amazing person and I can't take that away from him. When he's ready to stop all the bullshit and make himself available, he's going to make some lucky girl very happy, but obviously that girl ain't me. And it's fuckin' SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! Damnit! I'm pissed off.

My cuz actually just called me to get the dirt, like "What did he say, exactly?" and all I said was that it was his tone of voice that gave me the impression that he wasn't interested anymore. I mean, he may have met someone else. Can I be mad at that? Of course not. He is single and that's his right. WTF? I've been getting ass from R because J is never around. But all the areas in which others lack, J is strong. And it's a pisser that its those qualities that I like the most about him. Shit. I am so done. I can't even be bothered with him anymore. I need a drink. Picture that: a man who's tone of voice drives a woman to drink!

LATERZZZZZZZZZZ

Luckyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lol

LUCKY - Radiohead
I’m on a roll
I’m on a roll this time
I feel my luck could change.

Kill me
Kill me again with love
It’s gonna be a glorious day.

Pull me out of the aircrash
Pull me out of the lake
I’m your superhero
We are standing on the edge.

The head of state has called for me by name
But I don’t have time for him.
It’s gonna be a glorious day!
I feel my luck could change.

Pull me out of the aircrash
Pull me out of the lake
I’m your superhero
We are standing on the edge.

We are standing on the edge...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yea...sooooooo. I just really like this song, it's great. What's new to report? Well, I realized that R (from my job) is starting to remind me of M, J9's bro. Not really horrible, but the worst characteristic in anyone is their ability (or rather, disability) to talk about themselves too much. Now, I'm not comparing or anything lol, but I've noticed some similarities. And the only reason I even deal with it is because the sex is bananas ("B-A-N-A-N-A-S"...lol Jess)...so I have learned to compromise. He is not as bad as M because it's not always about his leather couches or his Prada loafers lol. R is more about the business that he is building, and that's awesome to me. And dude, I don't mind listening, but shit, ALL the time? WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND ABOUT THIS?! Lol. He hasn't mentioned anything about his girlfriend in the last 3 weeks (since the first time we hung out)...not a word. And that's cool with me, I just hope they didn't break up lol. I can only handle the sex at this point, nothing more than that. He is a cool guy - intellectually on point, on par with me and all that, but he's just not my type. Cutie, still, of course. But I think I like the thrill of the chase. And now that I have it, ugh I'm bored. NEXT! Lol.

There are sooooooo many interesting possibilities at my gym, one of the personal trainers in particular. He is cute too, but I won't mess with him because I don't like the idea of having to see him everyday. It's not like he just goes to that gym; he works there, therefore, is obligated to be there at a certain time each day. Lol. But I think he might be a little interested in me, or checkin' me out at the very least. He asked about the tat on my neck yesterday and I wasn't wearing a shirt that would allow someone to see it, so he must have seen it another day. Whatever. I answered him and he was like "awesome" and I went on about my business. I walked out and he followed me with his ojos lol. But there are PLENTY of cuties at the gym and I will pick one of them up eventually LOLOLOL. I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BEING SINGLE!!! ;-) It's great.

Ok, until next time, over and out, ta ta for now, CIAO!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

;-)

Greetings, people! Has everyone gone to my girl Jess' blog? Go here. My girl has gotten the old bloggin' bug from me and she's unstoppable!! Lol. Shameless promotion, Jess, sorry lol.

Anyway - uneventful week so far: Hung out with R from my job on Tuesday night. Let's just say that I am the Angelina Jolie of the dating game. Who the hell needs a commitment when you can take lovers? LOL!

Contrary to popular belief, women are capable of having a completely sexual relationship with no strings attached. We don't ALL get sappy and romantic, weepy and needy blah blah wtf??? What is wrong with some women these days? Honey, read below: "FWB" is all you need. You get the buddy and the booty all rolled up in one. Need a date for the wedding? "FWB" is your man: watch your friends jump the broom, then jump into the sack with "FWB" lol.

Women: EMPOWER YOURSELVES! Don't let anyone tell you that you can't have your pick of hot guys...don't let anyone tell you its wrong or not ladylike. WTF is up with the double standard. As long as you protect yourself, who is getting hurt? No one. Thank you. Take control of who you are and what you're about. Labels and all that are just social constructions designed to put everyone in a box. Think outside that box...

*EDITED TO SAY*: Upon reading this over, I want to just say that I know how contradictory this post is to some previous ones where I lamented over being single and blah blah. But, my friends, it is a new day. I have become so much more confident and happy and proud. I have realized that all I need is me. I am committed to myself and THAT'S IT!!

Monday, May 09, 2005

Ahh the genie...

"Whatever poison is in this bottle will leave me broken sore and stiff. But it's the genie at the bottom who I'm sucking at. He owes me one last wish. So here's a present to let you know I still exist. I hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips..."
~"Jude Law and a Semester Abroad" - Brand New (natch)

I think this is why we all drink...desperately seeking answers at the bottom of a bottle. Shit, at least that's why I do it lol. I have found that drowning my sorrows in alcohol makes me feel better...temporarily. And life is too short to be sober ALL the time. Luckily, I don't have much to drink about these days because my life is running pretty smoothly. I don't have an enormous amount of pain to deal with. So now, I just help others, which is always nice. Got a few girlfriends who are just finding out that they're unhappy about this or that, and I'm always there to hear about it and help when I can. What are friends for?

And then some boy crazy friends'o'mine (like my baby Jess) call me to gush over their latest cuties. You know what I have to say to that right? PLAY ON PLAYA!!! Again, life is too short to be attached to just one freakin' guy.

Guys to me fall into categories.

You've got the "Buddy". See, "buddy", well he's there to talk to, to tell you if your fat is popping out of those too-tight pants, answers the age old "do these shoes match this purse" type questions, is a shoulder to scream on. "Buddy" will never get the booty, but he sticks around anyway, perhaps hoping for the day you profess your neverending love for him (LOL). Every girl's got a "buddy".

Then there's the "Friend with Benefits". "FWB" has all the same qualities as "buddy", but you're attracted to "FWB", so he gets the booty benefits. "FWB" may have a girlfriend, may be single but not looking to settle down (the horror!) or he may just really want to be with you and feels that, since you're of the genus noncommitu (non-commital species), "FWB" is all he'll ever be, and he'll accept that.

We can't forget "Mr. BusyPants". "Mr. B" is damn near perfect: smart, funny, good-looking, sweet, chivalrous, generous, ambitious and last, but certainly not least, excellent in bed. BUT! His one flaw is that he is SO ambitious, that he has no real time for you. He tries: he calls every now and again and text messages you out of the blue, even makes time to see you when he can find a free moment in his uber-busy schedule. But you're unhappy! He is the ideal mate, but can't commit because he has no time. So, your only options are hanging out with "Buddy" and "FWB" until he comes around. Because, of course, you're too smart to wait around, alone and lonely, for him to realize what a good catch you are. Or maybe that's just me lol.

Ciao for now!

The Road to the "Big O"

In light of some conversations I've had with my girls recently, I must write about the "Big O". I don't claim to be an expert, and all women are different: like different things, need different stimuli in order to reach the coveted "O"...but boys, here are a few tips:
  • Suckin' a woman's breasts like you're still nursing is not cool. Lick, suck, bite why don't you, but then please move on.
  • There are plenty of erogenous zones...LOOK FOR THEM. Don't just stick with the obvious ones, silly.
  • Oh yea...find the little man in the boat. Don't just start rubbing where you THINK it might be. You'll thank me for it.
  • Uh, if you're getting a BJ, please don't grab her ears like you used to do on those mechanic horsy rides. There is no slot for you to drop a quarter, so just don't do it.
  • No rabbit moves. You should know what this is and avoid it like the plague.
  • Ignore the TV...unless there is porn on the screen.
  • Lastly, always keep in mind that men reach the "O" ALOT easier and more quickly than women do. Take the time to understand and do what pleases your partner...you'll get off, don't worry. Be concerned about what she wants too.

Ok...I'm done playing Dr. Ruth. Again, I don't claim to be an expert and I'm sure I'll get some angry comments, but fuck it. If you're mad, you're probably one of those men women should avoid anyway. ;-)

Ciao fuckers.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

"Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades" - Brand New

Keep the noise low,
She doesn't wanna blow it,
Shaking head to toe
while your left hand does "the show me around."
Quickens your heartbeat,
It beats me straight into the ground.

You don't recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets
barely whisper, "This is so messed up."

Upon arrival the guests had all stared.
Dripping wet and clearly depressed,
he'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch,
unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.

(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)

He keeps his hands low.
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe and
his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward
and he starts growing up.

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason i breathed, but now its choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

She hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends,
he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth.
He's gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like.

He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for...

(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)

So much more than he could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He waits for it to end
and for the aching in his guts to subside.

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason i breathed, but now its choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason i breathed, but now its choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

Another epiphany...

Given the glut of free time I've had lately since school is pretty much done for the summer, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've come to the very profound lol conclusion that I am attracted to, or rather, associate myself with emotionally unavailable men. Men who have girlfriends, men who don't want to get serious, men who're too busy for me. Why? Why is it that I can't be with, or at the very least, know a guy that isn't afraid of having some emotion, isn't afraid to at least commit to that? I'm not asking for some grand relationship tomorrow. I'm simply asking for a little affection, show me that you're interested, some honesty, goodness, it's really not that hard. I do it everyday.

The guy from my job with the girlfriend - well, he's a cool guy, but again, emotionally unavailable. However, he does show his interest in me, and I was told I can let down my guard with him. Um, no, I cannot. I put up a wall when I know that technically, just by hanging out with me, he's cheating on his woman, regardless of their situation. So - in essence, I guess I'm emotionally unavailable too.

I suppose I associate with these types of men because...I don't really know, but I'll tell you what - being that I am dealing with these guys - I leave myself closed off to meeting potentially great, emotionally and mentally stable men. So. That's what I've been thinking lately. I hope to have some real answers for myself soon.

Ciao.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Hmmmph

Greetings. This week was most excellent. I took a final on Monday. I will have to check my grades in a couple of weeks to see how I did. Not too worried about it.l

Hung out with dude from my job again last night. Nice guy, that's all I'm saying! I plead the fifth otherwise!

J is still lost...well, just busy. I call him Mr. BusyPants. And anyone too busy to answer a simple text message is too damn busy for me and doesn't deserve my attention. I don't know how people go from being so affectionate and warm, friendly and wonderful when they're hanging out with you, to complete...well, I don't even know what the word is: disregard? I don't think that's it. I know he's busy, I knew it from the start when we started seeing each other in December. But yo, it's literally almost 5 months since we met. I can't be waiting around for a guy to say he wants to hang with me. I don't have that luxury, sorry. I am kinda done with the whole deal. If he wants to see me - as I've said a million times before lol, he knows my schedule. So there. Lol.

New obsession: the band
BRAND NEW...I love them. They're fuckin' awesome.

Also, look out for 2 members of Blink 182 in a new band called Plus 44...

Ok, Seacrest out.

Ciao!