Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Fuck

I am not a happy camper. I am fuckin' lonely. Among other things, but we won't get into that.

Last ditch effort...

...so I emailed E last night (well early this morning when I finished my paper) to find out what the deal is. I dunno, I'm just not the type to just NOT call someone out of nowhere, without even saying like, hey you're cool, but ya know, it's not going to work out, or whatever other reason there could be for one person not calling another person. I don't expect a response, but you know what? Fuck it. Life is too short to bullshit. If I want something, I go after it. And if I don't get it, fuck it, at least I can say I tried. I suppose that many people don't think like that and that's why I end up pushing so many people away, but I'm not going to change for anyone. One day, someone will appreciate the fact that I am, yes aggressive, yes a pain in the ass sometimes, but also very loving and generous and affectionate. And smart damnit. Why are people so intimidated by me? What a fucking pisser. I WOULD like to tone it down in order to be approachable. But I don't see that happening, so for now, I'll just continue to grab life by the huevos and keep in moving.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

"Underwear Goes Inside The Pants" - Lazyboy (Truer words were never spoken)

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It’s a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what’s not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That’s not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We’re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we’re putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?
You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can’t watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?”
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don’t even know what the commercial is…
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I’m like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.
The schools now… It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids’ self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What’s going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don’t just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?
Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don’t you think?
They’re not masterminds.
“OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?”
“Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can’t I just…”
“Who’s the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?”
Americans, let’s face it: We’ve been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we’ll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
“How’d you get through it grandpa?”
“Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.”
Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I’ll sit at a drive thru.
I’ll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There’s room in the bag. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It’s only three more cents.
Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there’d be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
“You’ll see. I’m going to take over the world with computers! I’ll show them.”
We’re in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He’s homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don’t you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I’m guessing his resume isn’t all up to date.
I’m predicting some problems during the interview process.
I’m pretty sure even McDonalds has a “underwear goes inside the pants” policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I’m sure it is on the books.

Laptop

Twin fixed my laptop. Thank you very much. It's been a few days without it and I almost lost my bloody mind. She is installing XP again as I speak, so hopefully, all I'll have to do is reinstall all of my software. Yay. I lost EVERYTHING, but I don't care. I'll have to rebuild it from scratch. As long as it works. I'm happy. Ok that's all I wanted to say. :)

Saturday, November 27, 2004

FUCK IT!

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This is my life

Sometimes I DO want to lock myself someplace and turn the music up loud and scream. But who do I have to blame but myself? Why is it that I drown my sorrows in alcohol? Tonight, I'm going to go out and get wrecked. Just wrecked. And I don't care. I'm angry that I do this to myself eeevvveeerrryyytime. Especially when I say to myself, "Yaz, you're too intense. Fall back, be easy."...and I'm like, alright yea, I can turn down the intensity a little bit, because not everyone can handle that. But shit, I didn't know drunk dialing and text messaging a dude would piss him off. Ok, made up word, but my "pissivity" meter does not go off the charts when I get drunk dialed. As a matter of fact, I just laugh at it. I don't get annoyed by it at all, and if I ever did, I'd turn my phone off. I HAVE been the victim of quite a few drunk dialers and I have never been so pissed off that I broke plans or didn't want to talk to that person the next day. Or, as usual, I could be jumping to conclusions. There is a very good possibility that I'm doing that right now. But, hey I'm a "glass is half empty" kind of girl. So maybe, E will call with some valid reason as to why I haven't heard a peep from him since Wednesday. Especially since we had plans for tonight. I mean GRANTED, E was a little drunk when he made these plans with me over the phone last Saturday, but still. I mean come on. I'm annoyed. And my "pissivity" meter is inching north at the thought of it all. And why am I putting myself on blast right now for all to see? Because I'm an asshole and I'm pissed off about that. So fuck it. As usual, I put all my eggs in one freaking small ass basket and all them motherfuckers start popping out. Fuckers.

Oh yea, before I go, let me post a dope song that just tells you why I say THIS IS MY LIFE all the fucking time. I found it just now, and I've never heard it before, but I read the words and was immediately enamored with it.

"Welcome to my Life" -- Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

So long fuckers

Last few days...

So the last few days have been...um...interesting...On Wednesday, a gang of us from work went to Slate to drink and play pool. Twin met us out a little while after we got there. I was pretty tipsy by the time we started playing. Then Twin and I left and went to Heaven. How we got there, I don't know, because we didn't even take note as to where we parked the car. Anywho, so we went to Heaven, which was off the hook as far as I'm concerned. As usual, mad gorgeous girls in there, but again, I was a good girl. Danced our asses off until like 3:30am and then couldn't remember where we parked the car. Twin drove lol. So we walked around in circles for about 20 minutes before we could find it. Oh yea, at a few points during the evening, I drunk dialed E. And drunk text-messaged him, too. I haven't heard from him since earlier that night. So! I think it's a wrap for that situation. Ah, how quickly things disappear from my life. But, you know what? Fuck it. I'm pissed about it, but I do these things to myself. And I kept saying to myself, Yaz, be easy with this one. Can't come on full force and be so aggressive. And look what the fuck I go and do...fuck it up. Gawd!!! I'm tired of falling back though. Fuck it, I'm just gonna be me. I'm gonna just do me regardless.

Oh yea, Thanksgiving was cool and last night I just chilled at home trying to fix my fucking laptop. It's a wrap for that damn thing. This is my life.

Monday, November 22, 2004

The Prodigy...and other news...

...ok so not only does The Prodigy make riddddiiiicccuuulllously hot music, but their website is bananas. Click here for the site.

I downloaded alot of their songs last night and made the most banging CD evahhhhh. I'm a nerd. But I'm a nerd playing hot music really loud in my car.

This week I'm off pretty much. Monday, Tuesday: school until 12pm, Weds: work (they're closing at 6 thank goodness!! 2p-6p), Thur, Fri: OFF!!!!!!!!!!...So it should be a good week. Unfortunately, I have to work next weekend, but the highlight is that I'm going out with E on Saturday night after work. Yay. Plans fell through this past weekend, so hopefully, we'll make it happen this time around.

Hmmm...what else. Oh yea, Friday, my cousin and I should be meeting for our weekly coffee date at Starbucks. That's dangerous b/c the Starbucks that we go to is next to Nine West and DSW...and the Gap...and Best Buy. Ok I'm getting all excited talking about it all! Lol. We went shopping last Friday before having coffee. I bought some hot shoes, but damnit I didn't need them!!! :)

What else, what else? Ummmm...at school right now. Bout to go slack off in Macro. Then I'm going shopping. Then I have to do some homework when I get home. Hopefully, Timber will still be home so that we can watch Napoleon Dynamite. Gotta preview it for E. I told him I'd approve it before we watched it together.

If you watch South Park...go here...TIMMAYYYYYYYYYY. I don't watch it at al anymore, since I'm at work on Wednesdays, but this site is funnayyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Alright kids, gotta run to class, but stay tuned, as I'm sure I'll be writing more later!

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Going home...

...tonight. Unfortunately, I didn't hear from E. I won't call a dude more than twice, ESPECIALLY after I've already left a message. Just my rules. So Jess tells me not to sweat it because there might be other things going on with him that I don't know about. And this could be true. I guess I'm just disappointed because I really wanted to hang out with him tonight. BUT...so it goes. As I say (or rather, sigh) about 25 times a day, "This is my life"...I'll get over it. I just have to get used to the fact that I can't get all excited about a dude, because, when you look at it realistically, they're always going to let you down. Enough of the dramatics!!!! :)

I'm good, just needed to vent that out. I'm peacing out of work in a bit, so...'til next time!

Last night...

...SOOOOOOOO...picked up J9 and then drove down to my job to pick up Twin. Got to Slate around 11p. It was packed, and we put our selves on the waiting list for a pool table...went to the bar, NATCH!...watched that big fight during the NBA game (I think it was the Pistons?...don't remember)...had a couple of rounds...started dancing in our seats at the bar and we decided to go to Heaven. Well, as always, THAT was an experience. That's all I'm saying. I was a VERY good girl. And I will only speak for myself. lol...

Hopefully, I'll hang out with E when I get out of work tonight...I can't think of a thing to do, but perhaps I'll take him to Slate lol. But we'd probably wait forever for a free table. Anyway...I'm bored at work, so I'm sure I'll write more later!!

Friday, November 19, 2004

Pool shark...

Howdy. Going to play pool at Slate tonight. HOPEFULLY I won't get my ass handed to me, as E did on Tuesday. Going with my Twin and hopefully, Jess and Steve will show up. Either way, I'm going to put E's tips to some use, however, if I lose more than I win, I'll be an unhappy camper.

What other news....oh, I'm going to be in my cousin Keka's wedding. I cannot wait. Ms. Jessica Gomez, I'm so happy for you!!!!! Ok, enough of that excitement. It's too much for me.

So that's all I've got to say this evening y'all. I might drunk-blog later, though I'll be pretty exhausted by the time I get bizzack.

I'm peacing out. Ha ha

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Ahhhh.......

I don't think I could possibly be more happy with life right now. I think I've been beyond tired and walking around like a zombie because I've been going to school, working and talking on the phone to E every night for like 5 hours until 4 or 5 in the morning. And I can't think of a better way to lose sleep. I'm very, very happy. And I don't want to jinx it, considering the short amount of time we've known each other, but I hope it works out for real, for real. Ok, before I ruin it, I'll end it here!!!
:)

Happy girl...finally!

The museum was fantastic. Then we went to dinner. Then we went bowling. Then we went to Hoboken. Ha ha. No, we really went to Hoboken. What did we do in Hoboken, you're wondering? Nada. We just drove around by the water. It was so pretty. I have never had so much fun! We went out yesterday also. I took E to City Island to eat dinner, then took him to Long Island to play pool where Jess bartends. (Hi Jess!!!). OOOOOH I like him alot. Jess says we look like we have fun together, and it's nice that it shows because we do. I just hope it works out, because I'm having alot of fun! Ok that's all for now. I have to pretend to get back to work! :)

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Museum of Natural History...

...is going to be soooo much fun tomorrow! I can't wait. And I KNOW the company will be fun as well. I am soooooooo looking forward to this. I can hardly contain myself. I am such a nerd.

:)

No more dateless in Seattle...

...yep. That's right. I am officially dating. Lol. It's all very exciting!! :)
N00B.
Yup.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Fantasy is over...

Wrote this on Saturday, just haven't had time to post: Lol...gonna try this again...for you Jess!! lol

Hey fans! Well today is the engagement party and we're all abuzz over here. I'm taking my neighbor shopping b/c he needs an outfit, so I won't write much. But I will say that I'm happy to not be at work this weekend! Woohoooooo!!! Sorry twin! So the fantasy is over. No more mystery man. I think his conscience got the best of him and well, his mind won out over his heart. Or the other head, I don't know for sure what is going on there, but I can do nothing else but be supportive. That's me! Good ole' Yaz. Forever the underdog. Oh yea, I PASSED MY MIDTERMS!!! Woohoo.

EDITED TO SAY: Party was a blast. I got WASSSTTTEEEDDD. Click below for a few pix:


My famous neighbor Timber and Me

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Me, probably blasted here since I don’t remember taking this horrible picture!!




Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Hmmm...

Nothing interesting to report today other than I got my nails done with my Mom and spent the day with her downtown. Treated her to lunch, which I love being able to do since she always insists on treating. I don't want her spending any money because my parents have to save money!! They'll be closing on the townhouse soon!

We tried finding something for me to wear to the engagement party. I didn't find anything downtown, but found something nice when I went shopping this evening with my roomie and neighbor. So! I'm set for the weekend, as far as that's concerned.

Right now, I'm just doing alot of thinking about school and trying to figure out what kind of commitment I want to put into it. I don't mind the 4 full years, but it's going to be so hard with work and everything. And I HAVE to work. There is no way I can't work.

And I'm still dateless in Seattle.

Sucks.

:) I'll be ok.