Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Sunday, October 31, 2004


Scarface uses the word "fuck" 182 times.

Furthermore, I love the f-bomb. I can drop it like 10 fucking times in a normal five word sentence. As my boys said the other night, the f-bomb is like punctuation: always useful. For example:

  • Verb: Tony fucked Sally.
  • Adjective: I do too much fucking work.
  • Exclamation: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
  • Frustration: For fuck's sake!

Bottom line is, fuck is a great fucking word and fuck whomever doesn't think so!

Have a great fucking evening, fuckers!

Great weekend...

Hey hey, fuckers. I had a pretty good weekend. Went out with my roomie and neighbors and their friends last night after work. Got wrecked. We were in White Plains and I had a wonderful time. I called out of work today, natch, but I don't care. Fuck it. Whatever. I needed time to rest. Of course, I didn't get rest, I went to my parent's house and hung out with them and my niece and nephew. So much fun. My nephew is getting so grown, he doesn't even call me Titi Meen anymore and I'm soooo depressed about that. He says my full name!! Awww it's so cute, but I am realizing that these kids are growing up!! My niece is just so smart and beautiful. Grrr...I feel old!!

Saturday, October 30, 2004

F*ckin' with the best...

"What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way! "

" I bury those cockroaches!"

"Dat's because ju gotcha head stuck in jo culo!"

Al Pacino as Tony Montana in Scarface...Oliver Stone is a genius.

I need a Red Bull...

How bout a six-pack of Red Bulls goddamnit I'm tired. And just think, I get to do it all over again tonight!

I saw the movie, "The Saw", last night with like 10 people (my neighbors and all their friends). Please do NOT waste your money. You will NOT be satisfied!! Then we went to the White Plains diner and out to this bar on Mammaronek (sp?) Avenue. We had a good time there. I didn't pay for shit, which is a welcome change. The boys were true gentlemen.

So now I'm at work, I don't start til 1pm though. And drove down today, which I NEVER do on a Saturday, but the traffic wasn't so bad on my way to 57th street.

Hey cutie, you know who you are! It was really nice hearing from you yesterday. Sometimes I feel as though I come on too strong and offend you. I don't want to do that at all. Damn, I want to see you.

Ok, that's all for now. I'm getting all misty :)

Friday, October 29, 2004

Run on...

Image Hosted by
"Melancholy Woman"...Picasso -- Blue Period...

uh huh so I've been a little blue lately haven't heard from Mr. Wonderful in a few days if you're reading this, I hope everything is ok with you other than that, been blue b/c as usual, I'm lonely I need a man in my life ok, no, I WANT a man in my life so I guess I’ll just keep buying shoes and clothes to make me feel better or perhaps I buy all of that stuff so that if I ever get a date I'd have something to wear and boy wouldn't that be something me having a date there is a first time for everything, hear me first time for everything because I'm just so sick and tired of those bum ass men sucking yes sucking the very life out of me and like an idiot I allow them to do it because I am such a nice person but maybe I am just a stupid person, yes stupid mmhmm dumb because I like to try to see the good in people without realizing that the good in these bum ass men is me.

so as I sit in front of the mirror and stare at my reflection I realize that I’m all I’m ever going to have in this life and i just need to deal and get right with that because no one is going to deal with it for me, born alone, die alone and all that, though i suppose that it's possible to let someone in deep enough so that they know you and want to take care of your every waking need like i do for people, yea but then, you know, being men, they're going to suck because its what they do best, they suck, they suck ass suck suck suck and fuck you up because that's what they do, it's what they do, I’ve got OCD and I’ll say it again they suck because its what they do.

OK I got some shit to say...

1st of all, boys suck. Why do they suck? Because they just do. I don't think they intend to suck, but they end up sucking. And it sucks.

2nd of all, I failed my macroeconomics midterm. No, I don't just THINK I failed. I failed! I won't know how badly I failed until Monday, but I failed. I almost bombed on my history test, but I'm pretty sure I at least passed that one by the skin of my teeth. Yea. My presentation went ok I guess, I mean we at least had the class talking, so that's always a good sign.

Timbo and I went for Boston Market when I got home from class. It was yummy. Oh yea, and before I got home from class, I spent about $200 on jeans. Yea. But you want to know what? Jess and I have decided to say fuck it, we only live once, so we're going to shop til we drop lol. I don't even care anymore. Shouldn't it say something that I go to school full time and travel my ass to Manhattan full time to go to work? Shouldn't it say something that I do all that with virtually no complaints because I get paid too much to really care? And shouldn't it say something that I'm doing it all on my own? You know what it says to me? GO FUCKIN' SHOPPING BITCH, YOU DESERVE IT. So I do. And I do. I've got OCD. I do.

So back to boys, so many crushes, so little time. But I have been celibate for a bit too long and I'm getting annoyed by it. It's not about the sex. It's about the affection, I miss it. I'm this walking hormonal time bomb and if I don't get some affection from a guy soon, I'm not going to be a happy girl.

So, not only do I need to start studying, but I need to start dating! WTF??????????

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Kids should not grow up to be like me...

For those of you who didn't know -- click here!!

Anyway, so I'm going to wear black nail polish. I am wearing maroon. I'm bored. I should be studying and I think I'll do that for a bit before I go to bed. Not motivated at the moment. I need to go on a diet. I keep saying that, but I keep eating!! I like food, I can't help it. Though I must admit, I'm not one of those who finds comfort in food. When I'm pissed off, I clean, which burns calories, right? Ok. I am going to do some crunches now, b/c my roomie's yummy dinner made my tummy full!! I feel like a whale!!

Ok pimps, I'm out.


"Have you ever had a thought that you didn't immediately verbalize?" -- Scrubs
  • Nope.

Crazy people...

Crazy people don't know that they're crazy. They think they're sane. So that would make me sane, but I think I'm still crazy. Get it?

I just remarked to my roommate that the craziest thing about us being so crazy is that she has someone who loves her despite her craziness (or perhaps because of it). lol. I have no hope!! Not a single shred of hope! I think people are intimidated by me, but I don't give a fuck. :) There is a kid in my writing class who is like deathly afraid of me. I just think it's weird because I'm the nicest person alive, if you get to know me that is. His friends say it's the eybrows. I can believe that.

Soooooo...yep. I took some nifty pictures of my favorite geeking partner / neighbor, Timber. The cable to my digicam is upstairs and I just had dinner and my fat ass is too lazy to go get it, therefore, I will post them later. Run on sentence. Ok. Yea, so this is my life. School, work...blogging. Whoopdie doo. Mmmhmmm.

Making coffee...

Lots to do today. I have to write my portion of the presentation for Friday. Then, I have to cram for my macro test on Thursday, and set up an outline or something with which to study for my history midterm on Friday. So! I am making some Bustelo to keep my ass awake!!

...wish I had time to work on some HTML. I know some tags, but I want to be able to do it without consulting a book or website. Timber is (hopefully) going to get me some Flash, so I can re-learn that. Then, I'll really be in business.

Just one day off. I would love just one day off from everything, school, work, so I can just relax and take care of me. I can't remember the last time I had that. I need a massage, badly. Nails are getting done the week of the engagement party, thank goodness. Oh, yea, still haven't found an outfit. I think I will just get some really nice black pants and a pretty top, and I'll be in business. I would have to go tanning if I tried to wear a dress lol. My legs are so transparent. Very embarrassing. Damn white spics, we can't freaking win!!!

Ok, I smell my coffee...gotta run, but I'll be back later...

Monday, October 25, 2004

Such great heights...again...

Freckles are perfectly aligned...I wonder if they are. It's been a long time...about 5 years. Matter of fact, it was December 26th, 1998, I believe. Hmmm...long time. I wonder if they're still there. Do freckles fade? I'll have to look that up.

Waxin' poetic this evening. Just listened to "Such Great Heights" "Blurry"...

I might go to the KROCK Halloween Hairy Ball on Friday lol. My girl Jessica works at the Supper Club, so I may be able to get in with her. We shall see. If she has to work, no dice. But it would be nice to do something different. Real. Can't live in the clouds everyday.

Didn't hear from him today. It's his birthday, I'm sure he was really busy. But if you're reading this, I hope you had a great birthday. I wished it to you a million times in my head, so I hope my thoughts made it down to you.

The ex called again today and left a really retarded message. Apologizing. Haven't we been through this? I'm over it. I can't deal with that situation anymore. Gotta move on. He said he's been going to church alot lately. Um. He is preaching to the deaf, for goodness' sake. I don't subscribe to mass religion, church all that. He knows that. There was so much sick bullshit in our "relationship" and no amount of church can change a person. What's the point? I want to change my number, but I won't because I don't want to go through the hassle of calling everyone in my phone book to inform them of the change. So no thanks.

I need a vacation. San Diego and Santa Monica were cool and all, but I've gotta do something new. I've been thinking about going to Boston, just to check it out. I'd have fun there I'm sure. And it's cheap b/c I can drive there, it's close. Just have to find someone to come with me! Maybe I'll ask Jess. Since she's my new KROCK p-n-c and Reality TV buddy, and all. Lol. We'd have fun!

Damn, "Such Great Heights" looped around again. I love it. "Everything was perfect from far away"... yeah.

Alright...enough of me blabbering on and on.

Oh by the way, Tea and I have a new website. There is nothing on it right now, but it's
Tea4Two . I'll inform you when we have something up there to read.

Hasta la manana, readers.

Such great heights...such a great freakin' song...

"Such Great Heights" - by the Postal Service

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly
You will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home


...SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! Ok, so I get it. I get the whole thing. Why money works the way it does in our economy, on a grand scale. What I don't get? The algebra and the variable and the terms and the adding, multiplying, subtracting and dividing. Good goddamnit! My math sucks. It always has. I don't like it and it damn sure doesn't like me. I am stressed the hell out over this shit. My midterm is Thursday. I have a history midterm and a presentation on Friday. This sucks, it sucks and it's gonna suck. This is why I'm a computer nerd. Doesn't require algebra (or does it...who the hell knows).

So, true to form, I'm going to quit studying tonight to watch The Swan at 8pm. Yep. The Swan is a good show damnit. I just downed a bottle of Starbucks coffee (mmhmm, cold!!). So I have mad energy. And after The Swan (say it with an English's fun!!), I'm going to watch RW/RR challenge on MTV. Mmmhmmm...and then at 10:30pm, I'm going to study a bit more. Yup, that's my plan.

Ok, I'm out -- gotta go get comfortable. I think I'll study between commercials.

Hasta la pasta, I'm a rasta, peace.


Ahhh...October 25th. A beautiful day. Hey baby!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you have a beautiful day sweetheart. I wish I could see you today and give you all the love you deserve on your birthday and always.

Ok, so the following 2 poems are verrrryyy special to me. If nothing else, they saved me, gave me something to look forward to, when I was in despair. It's funny how words can do that to you, make you feel good...or make others feel good. I am posting them because they're beautiful and relevant and mean alot. Love, I hope you can gain some clarity usual, these are for you.

After A While -by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of [an adult], not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn,
and you learn,
with every good-bye, you learn.

The Road Not Taken - by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Holly-would... friend Billy from work wrote a part for me in his screenplay. I'll be playing a lesbian. Interesting...:) Apparently, "Monica" is just like me...well, except for the lesbian part...she's outspoken, she belches, it's going to be great. I'll be doing a script reading in Billy's screenwriting class, after which, his teacher is going to introduce him to "some people". I haven't read the script yet, but anything written for me must be fabulous!

Um...what else? I'm lounging on the couch with my roomie, watching Dr. Phil and reading the tabloids. Yep, no life! I'm in love with this wireless network shit...I'm a nerd so I'm on it ALL DAY LONG...I suppose today I'm just waiting for AOL to say "You've got wicked mail!" (It says's Matt Damon...ok.)...still waiting for a reply from...well... :)

Thursday, October 21, 2004

How could I forget?!!

The ex called me twice yesterday and I didn't answer. So he proceeded to leave me a nasty message on my voicemail. Um, bitter?!?!?!? Yea, I think so. Why can't he get over me?! As conceited as that sounds, let's face it, I'm a good person and he fucked up, so later for him. He's stupid. He threatened me, or at least that's how I took it. "What goes around, comes around and it comes back HARD."...What could that possibly mean? He's all talk. He said he had something important to talk to me about. Ok, how's this for important: "Yazmeen, I have that $1,000 I owe you and since you're so wonderful and I can never have you ever again in life, I'm going to leave it in your mailbox so you don't have to see me." Now THAT is something that's important. But no, he didn't say that. So, as usual, I'm out my $1,000, my credit sucks because I'm so nice and put a phone for him in my name and the bill never got paid. We're talking 2002 here. But, you know what? I am too mature to even deal with that nonsense. I just want him to leave me alone!!

Ok that was yesterday's drama. :) Today is a new day!!!

For my favorite cornhusker...

Don't blush, look at all the love you're getting on this here website... xoxoxo
This is for you.

Mazzy Star - Fade into You (this song is old as hell!)
I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that’s true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You’ll come apart and you’ll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what’s not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew (!!!!)
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew

A stranger’s light comes on slowly
A stranger’s heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew
I think it’s strange you never knew

Dead wrong...

Hey you. YES YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN! I'm talking to you! :)

I'm pissed that this certain person did not respond to my lengthy email, but rather, is waiting, keeping me in suspense. I am upset! I don't care though. I'll wait. I've been waiting. But hurry up! :)

Anyway, so that was the highlight of my day, hearing from him. Other than that, my day has been freakin' crappy. Busy at work, can't do my damn homework. So I get to spend an hour after I get home at 1am, doing freakin' homework. Grrrr...

Ok I'm out. Gonna go check my email!!! :)

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

More ranting...

And so it goes. My life is clearly miserable at this point in time. I am feeling very down; very emotional, which, from experience, is not very good. I guess I'm just lonely, so it manifests itself in other ways. Anger, depression, desolation. These are just illusions of feeling, really. I know I don't actually feel this way. I'm in and out of these "feelings". I guess that's bound to come with the territory of being single. I AM enjoying the freedom, the lack of drama, the spontenaity of life. But I am in dire need of affection and it SUCKS that I can't have any!

Another beautiful song:
"Run" – Snow Patrol
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do
Light up...Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads
Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Wish my mind was spotless...

"How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!/
The world forgetting, by the world forgot. /
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!/
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."
--Alexander Pope


"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" -- John Cusack as "Rob" from High Fidelity

Today?...not so good

And I'll tell ya why. I am very sick of being single. This sucks. I am depressed, sad, upset and overall, just disgruntled. Lest one think my posts are near happy, for goodness sake. I am the epitome of not happy. I wish I had the gaul to be a slut. Lol. I really don't. But at least I wouldn't be lonely all the time. :)

It sucks. It really does. I see couples together, so cute and in their own little world, and I'd really like that for myself. Actually, I've always been the cute half of a couple lol. I'm a doter, I'm generous, wicked smaaaaht and sweet, witty, funny, all the things a guy would want, but lo and behold, I cannot find that one really nice guy. And I have certainly been looking. Well not LQQKING. But, you know, checking people out. There are some people I would LOVE to ask out, but again, what are the dating rituals? I don't know them. I need to get more in tune to what people are doing these days. I have no problem being aggressive when it comes to a hot guy, but jeeezzus, where does one draw the line? What are the rules of engagement? I don't freaking know, and it's pissing me the hell off!

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I'm so vain...I'll probably think this song is about me...

Image Hosted by
This is me after I got home from class today...

Image Hosted by
This is me after I got comfortable!

Ok enough of my vain nonsense. Hot fantasy man has not emailed me today. :(...I'm ok, really. I will live! Ok, let me cut the dramatics. if he is reading this, he might think I'm crazy or something. And why would I want him to think that? I'm not crazy. Really, I'm not. Lol...I'm so bored.

I am sitting with Timber, in his room, geeking out on this here computer. I've already done part of my homework, so nothing much for me to do school-wise. Oh, I COULD study, but Yaz doesn't do that, so um, no, that's not an option.

I have fucking work tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it at all! I just have to bear in mind that I only work 2 nights and then I have Friday off. That's all that matters. Just 2 nights. Then the weekend. Then Monday and Tuesday off!!! Yay. I do love my schedule, but I would just rather be at home. Anyway. I'm bored. Gonna go stuff my face. :)

Bug a Boo...

So it's 12am fans, and the ex just called. I was smart enough to recognize (without having memorized) the number, and didn't answer. I don't think he's foolish enough to leave a message, but I can only imagine that he is twisted and drunk dialing me. Even if that's not the case, it was pretty silly to call me. Uh uh, not going to try to get me caught up in an argument. He called on Friday while I was at Dooley Mac's in White Plains, having a few beers with my roomie and her co-worker. Upset that I didn't want to talk. Fool I'm in a bar. What the fuck? So then he asks, do you want me to just leave you alone? Yes. Is that how you want it? Um, I just said yes right. What the fuck, are you deaf? Shit. Give me a break. What could you possibly have to say to me? Want to know if I'm still alive? I'm 'bout to break out in a Destiny's Child song. :) Lol

Monday, October 18, 2004

Good things, good things

Hey fans, I'm back. So as I've been saying, today has been a good day. Still have a certain someone on my mind. Hard not to. Been in love for 10 freaking years. I know he's reading this, so I'll say hi...HI CUTIE!! Public display of affection. Yea yea I know. But when I get open...ugh, can't talk about it. I'm jones'ing right now.
Ok enough of that. So tomorrow will be fun, too. I have history at 8:30a and my writing class at 10:10a. I like my writing class because it's a discussion course that's mad laid back. And I'm the oldest person in there lol.
No shopping tomorrow. I think. Damn. I'll have to control myself.
Always controlling myself about something damnit.
Yankees game: as of 10:45pm, they're in the 14th inning, tied @ 4. I swear I don't know how I'll get into this shit. I can't sit there and watch these games all the way through. It's just too much!!
Ok, I'm rambling. I'm kind of bored actually. My Timbo is on a date, so I have no one to geek out with!! I wanted to hit a bar for a few beers and baseball, but no one wanted to go out, so I'm stuck at home! Bizzord.
Yea man. It's cold in this damn house. Perhaps he has not put the heat on because we haven't paid the rent yet. Oh well, that mofo can afford it. He'll get his dinero on Friday when we get paid lol.
Alright, I'm outtie because I have nothing more to say right now. Perhaps I'll be inspired later!!


My parents just got word from their realtor that they've won the bid for a townhouse in Peekskill!!!!! They have about 6 months before they move but I am elated!!! Fuck yea, fuck yea, I'm super happy. They're getting the fuck out of the Bronx, finally. Hopefully, I can get my brother to move out of there too and we're all set!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Yay!

Today is a good day...

I went shopping. I bought some really pretty, casual, brown suede boots and some black casual sneakers from the Nine West Outlet. Then I went and bought some shirts and a sweater. I spent about $250 today, but my rent has not been paid yet. Why, you ask? Well, because my landlord has not put the heat on yet, and it's bloody freezing in my house. So, fuck that guy.

Other than that, I managed to do the 2nd draft of the paper for my writing class, which is due tomorrow. I'll probably watch the game tonight. Gotta get more knowledgable of sports, so when I meet a nice guy who likes sports, I have something to bring to the table. Nothing wrong with learning something new.

And I heard from him today. Nice to know he's alive. That's all I'm going to say, and no, I'm not talking about my blasted ex. He's a n00b (lol, Timber). Mr. Mysterious will remain mysterious, but if you're reading this, screw Bush. No devil's advocate allowed!!

What else happened today? Ate at Boston Market. It was yummy. I was hungry! Macroeconomics wore me out. But finally, I grasped what he was talking about today: T-accounts, balance sheets and we've finally begun to discuss money. Now THAT'S something I can relate to!! :oP

Still have to find an outfit for the engagement party. Sure wish I had a date!! But I won't even go there because since it's an overnight thing in Long Island, I can't exactly meet a dude this week and expect him to come to a sleepover event on November 6th. Not appropriate at all!! So I think I will go dateless in Seattle because I haven't met anyone :(.

Hey you, perhaps your business will bring you to NY that weekend...tempting isn't it? You think I'm kidding but I'm serious!!! :) "There's oceans in between us / But that's not very far..."

Ok fans, I'm out. Going to Stew Leonard's with my roomie to get something for dinner tonight. I'll probably post a little something later.


Pix fixed...well almost...

Ok I've fixed my pics...found a less temperamental host, but my profile pic is still acting up. So just click on the broken link to view my profile and least until I can figure out what the problem is. Grreeaatt...ok I'm geeking out with my fave geek partner, TTFN!!

Ok so I'm at school now...

And I still can't see my pics, so I'm going to have to find another site to host my pics besides I'll do the research when I get home. :)

Good morning people...

Well I'm getting ready for class, thankfully, only macroeconomics today, as if that isn't enough.

Also, just a heads up, I noticed when I got home last night that my links work, but my pictures are not appearing on my blog. They showed up at work, so I don't know what the deal is, but if anyone has any suggestions, please email me!

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Goodnight bloggers...

Wow, word travels fast. I've already received a few emails about my blog, thanks very much! It's good to know my efforts are appreciated. This could quite possibly be my last entry of the evening, although, I'm quite the night owl, so you never know. I am leaving work in exactly 9 minutes and I'll tell you, it's the highlight of my work day. Got a few things in the works this week as far as things I have to accomplish:
  • Must purchase SHOES, I mean, an outfit, plus shoes for my roomie's engagement party on November 6th. Must be something comfortable and functional because oh yes, it will be a drunken evening. We are spending that weekend out in Long Island, so, since most of us will not be traveling back to Westchester that Saturday evening, I'm sure we'll be taking FULL advantage of the fact that we don't have to be sober.
  • Must complete the paper for my writing class tomorrow. It's due on Tuesday and my goal is a straight A, since my first draft received an A-/B+ grade. Totally unacceptable.
  • Meditate on my parent's having the winning bid for this townhouse they like. It's in Peekskill. My parents would be so happy up there. Have to concentrate hard on that. I really want them to get out of the Bronx.

So that's it for this evening folks. Keep reading though, because I'm pretty interesting during the week too, lol.


Image Hosted by

Is Bush Wired??

Dubya's wire?
(The pic won't display here for some reason, so click above, please, thanks)
Look at the bulge on his back. Um, he has a mic in front of him, so that's not a mic pack, now is it? Ok. I don't subscribe to politics, but I just found this funny. If our nation's "great" leader can't even respond to debate questions on his own, how am I supposed to believe that he can run a country by himself? Hmm..I like Michael Moore even more today. This is why I'm so radically liberal that I don't vote. Ok. Enough of my ranting, check out this other blog for more comments: Is Bush Wired?

Soundtrack of life!

Ok, I'm just full of blogging excitement today. So I've been thinking: if I were to pick one song as a soundtrack of my life, Today, I think what would it be? Hmmm...well it would change daily, so no use in trying to decide on one song. So today, in light of my constant contemplation of life, I choose "It's Been Awhile" by Staind. "Just one more peaceful day!!!!" I could scream at the top of my lungs. No, it's not a throwback to that bullshit relationship I had. No, I don't think of anyone specific when I hear that song. It's just a nice song!! Here are some more nice ones (even reading the lyrics makes me feel all gooey inside...ew gross!! lol):

311 has a dope line from "From Chaos"..."From chaos comes clarity"...yes, yes it does.

I've realized over the past couple of months (being single and all), that being alone has its perks. I can look at whomever I want without feeling bad about it. As my roomie says, being single builds character. And while I feel that I am bursting at the seams with character, it's not so bad. I know I will emerge from this dark period a better person. And I feel as though I am improving everyday. I am over the horrible relationship, the deceit of that wretched, cheating man, the disappointment and utter distrust of men. I am totally ready to move on with my life, and though he still calls me pretty much every week (I really have to start recognizing his number so I don't pick up the phone), I say the same thing: Yes, I'm fine, yes, please leave me alone, no, I don't want to hang out, I'm busy. So hopefully, he'll get the hint soon, or else I'll have to flip the bitch switch.

More fun topics of conversation: I'm getting back into art! Yay! Maybe it's because I go to a school known for it's visual and performing arts programs, and I'm surrounded by it everyday, but whatever the reason, I'm happy about it! I haven't painted in forever. My easel and paints and what not are still in the trunk of my car, where they've been since I moved out of my apartment in the Bronx to Yonkers. I have not been inspired. A shitty, rotten, loser man can do that, I guess. But I am really getting back into appreciating art; Dali, Picasso, all my other favorites. I haven't done any graphic stuff in a minute, but here is some random stuff I've done in the past:

Image Hosted by
Image Hosted by
Image Hosted by
Image Hosted by
Image Hosted by (One of my tats)

Ok so that's it for this hour folks...I'm going to pretend that I'm working for a bit, but I'll be back to pour my brains onto the Web!!!

So...beautiful disaster huh?

Random things about me:

Why did I choose the name "Beautiful Disaster"?I love 311. If I could have a penny for everytime I've listened to one of their songs, I'd be pretty rich by now. So, if you read the lyrics, you'll get a sense of me.
Nationality: Puerto Rican (no, I don't speak Spanish, bitches*)

Favorite radio station: 92.3 FM (KROC)
College(s) attended: Hofstra University (1998-1999), SUNY Purchase (1999-2001, Fall 2004...again -- New Media major) Full time student AND...
Occupation: Desktop Publishing Work Flow Coordinator...why, that's fancy talk for "Computer graphics work delegation", "Corporate whore" yea. I work for Bowne Business Solutions, but I work on-site at Banc of America Securities LLC. Yes, I go to school full-time and I work full-time as well. I make very good money doing what I do, but I need more out of life, hence the need to continue with my degree.

More Q&A...
Place of birth: MOUNT SINAI, NYC
Date of birth: APRIL 17, 1980
Astrological sign: ARIES
Height: 5'3"
Eye color: BROWN
Allergies: NONE
A color u like to wear: BLACK (AS I LIKE TO SAY: "IT'S SLIMMING!!")
Regardless of size or circumstance, an animal u would like to own as a pet: WHITE TIGER

A smell that makes you pause: THE RAIN
A taste that makes you melt: THE TASTE OF FRESHLY WASHED SKIN...
Adrink you order often: GRAND MARNIER, GREY GOOSE AND PINEAPPLE JUICE (Damnit Nat!!)
A delicious dessert: STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE
A book you strongly recommend: THE DA VINCI CODE
An author who has affeccted you: KHALIL GIBRAN
Music you prefer to listen to when you're alone: SADE, BLINK 182, COHEED & CAMBRIA...AND 311!!
The singer or band you currently listen to the most: 311
The film you could watch over and over: THE GOONIES...SCARFACE
An artist who's work you highly respect: MY DAD, FRIDA KAHLO, DIEGO RIVERA, SALVADOR DALI
Your favorite time of day: SUNSET
What you most like to do on Sunday: SPEND TIME WITH MY FAMILY...BUT I HAVE TO WORK!
Your transportation: '98 MAZDA 626
Your cologne or perfume: PEAR GLACE FROM VICTORIA'S SECRET
When u sleep you wear: T-SHIRT & BOXERS
Things you like to buy: CLOTHES...BOOKS...CDs...SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you could afford it at this moment, you would buy: A HOUSE IN HAWAII FOR MY MOM
You dont have a lot of: AFFECTION...
Your most prized possession: MY INTELLIGENCE
Material possessions are: NICE, BUT NOT IMPORTANT
Something forbidden you have done that might even surprise your friends: HAS TO DO WITH SOMEONE. AND EMAIL. BUT THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING!
Thing(s) in this world you are addicted to: PASSION AND AFFECTION
A drug or alcoholic beverage you take on a regular basis: NICOTINE, UNFORTUNATELY, BUT I WILL QUIT SOON, HOPEFULLY
If there were no side effects you would enjoy being addicted to: I SUPPOSE "LOVE" IF THAT EVEN EXISTS. OK, AND SEX. IF I HAD GOOD SEX, I'D BE ADDICTED. I KNOW IT
As an adult you have hit a woman: NOPE, I DON'T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE
As an adult you have hit a man: NOT IN A MALICIOUS WAY, JOKING AROUND: YES
What religion were you raised with? UM, BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE: "What religion was forced upon you for your entire academic life until you reached 18?" -- ROMAN CATHOLIC
Have you ever been treated by a psychotherapist? NO, SANITY IS OVERRATED
Do you believe in reincarnation? YES, AND I MUST HAVE BEEN A MEAN BITCH IN MY PAST LIFE.
Which issue(s) in the world concern you the most? EQUAL RIGHTS, HOMELESSNESS, THE AIDS EPIDEMIC
Your 3 closest friends: TERESA, NATALIE & JANINE
The friend who is most like you: TERESA, HANDS DOWN (TWIN!!!)
The friend who is most unlike you: HMMM...
A friend you will see in hell: TERESA (WITH OUR HANDBAGS...OK, JUST MY HANDBAG), NAT (Ah, the stories we could tell), J9 (come on man, you'll be right next 2 me!)
You keep a diary: NOPE, BUT I SHOULD
You exercise regularly: TWICE A WEEK
You sketch while you are on the phone: ALL THE TIME
You have read a book in the past month: SADLY, JUST SCHOOL BOOKS
You replace the toilet paper roll immediately: YEA I JUST BOUGHT A PACK OF 20 ROLLS TODAY
You have a secret you have never shared with anyone: YES, I CAN'T THINK OF WHAT IT IS, BUT I'M SURE I HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE
You wait till the last minute to fill your car with gas: SAD, BUT YES, TRUE
You snore: NEGATIVE
You have been to your ancestors' homeland: YES, A COUPLE OF TIMES
You read in the bathrooom: I READ EVERYWHERE I CAN
You're always late: NOPE, ALWAYS EARLY
A naked photo of you exists: NOPE, NOT THAT STUPID
You often have the last word: OF COURSE, I'M ALWAYS RIGHT!! (J/K)
The last person you said I love you to and when: MY MOM, AT 10:00 AM TODAY

*Term of endearment. if you don't like it, then get the fuck out. :) virgin

Image Hosted by
Welcome to my blog! I'm new to,so show me some l-o-v-e. That's my smiling face above!!
I'm on here because I receive so many emails from people wondering where I've been and what I've been up to lately, so rather than answer a million emails, I'll direct people here!
I should be updating everyday, because my life is just that exciting (not!). But I'm pretty witty so you may want to stop by for a quick laugh.
Anyway, I have tons of pics to post since I learned how to put a pic on here using HTML...ok I know, it's not that hard...anyway, keep coming back, as I'm sure I'll have interesting stories on here (both real and fictional; the fun part will be deciphering which is which). TTFN!! -- Yaz