Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Confessions of a Drunk Dialer

Dude. Seriously? I need to lay off the drunk dialing/texting. I don't know what possesses me to do it. Ok, so obviously the alcohol is definitely a factor, but man, I don't NEED to be doing this.

Hung out with my girl last night at her house, drinking wine, talking about the wedding and looking at each others' art and shit. It was revealed to me that J, the guy who basically blew me off a little after my birthday, was thinking about proposing to his girlfriend. Now, they've only been together for like 3 months. What the fuck? He was the best man at my best friend's wedding and maybe the wedding bug just got to him that night, but shit. The kid, let's be honest here, kind of broke my heart, though my feelings for him were all my own and I should have known better. Did I cry over him? Fuck no, but he was great and it affected me. I'm over him, really, I am, but he's still a good dude and it sucks that he is even thinking this way. Sucks for me lol. How selfish is that? I'm horrible. So I drunk texted him "Don't do it" on my way home last night. He has NO idea why I said that or what I know and he never answered anyway, so what's the point of this entire post? I don't know, but I had to get this out - grrrrrrrr...Lack of food perhaps, since I haven't had a thing all day. I'm woozy. I need a drink.

Gotta cut this short, though I've got so much more to say about this. Time for my studio lab.

Ciao fuckers.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

The Big Day

My best friend's wedding was amazing. Simply magical, really. I spent the night with her at the hotel on Thanksgiving night and we woke up at 5:45am b/c we couldn't sleep from the excitement! It was great. We got soooo super trashed, but we all had so much fun.

As soon as I get some more pictures from my girls, I'll post the link.

Hope everyone had a fantastic holiday!!

;-)

Ciao fuckers!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Fuk'n clutz

So guess who fell down a flight of stairs today? Yup, you guessed it. Stupid Yaz. I was so excited about having gotten a decent night's sleep for once in my life and I smelled the coffee and started to run down the stairs like an asshole. Two steps into it and I slipped (I had on socks and my stairs aren't carpeted. Fuckers), coccyx first into the 3rd step and I hit my head a few times. I am leaving work soon. My boss called me from home and told me to bounce to the ER. No thanks. I think I just want to take my dizzy ass home.

Thank you for letting me share that. I'm an asshole.

P.S. Everyone join MySpace. Two of our fellow Blogspot bloggers recently made profiles and I think you all should too! ;-)

Ciao fuckers.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Oh Man. I Couldn't NOT Blog This

So. As I stated a few posts ago, the catty bitches are still catty.

I am fuming right now and I only have myself to blame b/c I can't resist knowing what these bitches are saying about me. It's actually pretty funny how lame and just completely wrong they are.

Sara (the bitch neighbor) and I had a rather heated email exchange on Thursday in regards to a comment that she made to my roommate. Apparently, she said the stuff on the porch (which amounts to my car mats...uh and that's it) made us look like we lived in the ghetto, or something to that effect. Wanted to know when I was going to clean it up. Oh man. If you could only see the fury in my eyes when I heard this. I thought my fucking head was going to spin.

I erased all of Sara's numbers from my phone (like I do to everyone that gets cut out of my life), so I text'd her co-worker (who I USED to be really cool with...I'll get back to that in a second) to ask for her work number. Yes, I was going to call that bitch and tell her off. I am crazy. I don't give a fuck.

He knows we're not on speaking terms (I told him why I was angry with her and Sharon the Cow a month or 2 back...we were drinking. Apparently, he either misheard me when I explained it all to him, which I did grudgingly b/c he just HAD to know...anyway, big ass mouth that kid has...ok, sory, I'll get to that in a sec), so he asked why I wanted her number. Long story short, he wouldn't give it to me b/c he knew she was going to get bitched out.

So I emailed that hairy whore, and I asked her if she was going to be home around 10pm when I got home from class b/c I had to talk to her about the snide remark she made to my roommate. She replied that she didn't say that and even if she did, it was in a joking manner. Ain't nobody but me is going to be laughing when I punch that bitch in her face. Anyway, so she basically went on to say that she was merely looking out for me, since it has rained a few times and the mats are still out there and they're going to get moldy. I told her I didn't need her damn insincere advice and let her know to be a woman and come to me if she had something to say. Point blank. Period. Nada mas.

She proceeds to forward every single email from me and her replies to Sharon the Cow. They went back and forth all day yesterday, saying that I'm crazy and they need to stay away from me. Yup. I know I'm crazy and I'm alllllllllright with that. Sorry I don't fit into a neat little box with a fake ass bow. Sorry I think differently than most people. Whatever.

So then, man-woman Sara "finds out" from her co-worker the reason why I am mad at them is b/c they said I looked like a whore in a picture that they saw of me. That is sooooo far from the reason and soooo far from what I told CB (the co-worker who wouldn't give me her number). CB distorted the whole thing and said this to N, who told Sara. Are you getting how childish and idiotic this whole thing is? I feel like I'm in High School again.

Sara the Lard and Sharon the Cow go on to say that they don't remember saying that about me, but yea, I do look like a whore in pictures. Thanks guys! ;-) I'm sorry that I take pride in my appearance, sorry I shower more than once a day (Sharon the Cow doesn't take showers on Sundays - that's no bullshit either), sorry I have such beautiful friends and we have a great time together and the pictures show that.

They went on to say that I have a guilty conscience about being a slut and that's why I took offense to what they said. Mind you, none of this is true, as this is not the reason I cut them out of my life, but their speculation is awesome. I do enjoy stupid people!

The one thing that made me stop laughing at all this is when Sharon the Potbellied Pig made a comment about my miscarriages being prior to 22 years old and due to my being a slut. Not that I have to explain any of that to anyone, but if you're going to talk shit about my personal drama, at least get the facts right.

When I feel close to someone, I tell them private things about myself. I take this very seriously, as I don't open up to just anyone (well...I open up to all of you, don't I?!). My personal shit should not be bandied about between two idiots with mush for brains. I don't even know how to put into words how angry it made me. I don't have anything to be ashamed of and I don't have many regrets about what I've done or haven't done in the past.

It's amusing how a person can be a slut when they haven't had sex in months. What a great chuckle I'm having even writing this. I can't believe I just wasted the last 30 minutes writing about these stupid bitches. But I had to keep y'all informed!! Ok, I'm done venting about that. Thanks for being patient.

In other news, been hanging with a dude. Cool guy. We've hung out every night for the past 3 nights. He's a very cool cat. Artist. Amazing painter and illustrator. That's it. We're cool. Gonna see how it progresses. I'll keep ya updated ;-)

Ciao fuckers.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Low Latent Inhibitionism

Even though I've been really busy lately, I am in a place now where I need to organize my thoughts.

Due to an abnormal amount of drug (pot) consumption in SoBe, I've carried the activity to Yonkers, NY. LOL. I've discovered that my brain can't just process images or sounds or words. I see the image and I think about how it was made, where it came from, where its going. I hear the sound and analyze what made that sound and how the instrument that made the sound was made. I hear the words and picture them coming out of the speakers mouth, how the vocal cords vibrate...

I find that I've always thought this way. I just released it all into my craft, my paintings, my drawings, my words. But when I smoke...I just let it take over.

Just a little something I wanted to share with all my friends in Bloggerville.

Keep rockin' and I'll write more soon.

Ciao fuckers.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Still here...

Hey everyone. I just wanted to write quickly and say that things are going ok for me. The wedding is next week and I've just been busy being a good bridesmaid. I should have been the maid of honor b/c the current one SUCKS. Its sad when even the bride and her entire family agree. That's ok though - I'm happy to do whatever I have to do for my best friend and to make next Friday a day she will never, ever forget.

School is still school - straight As of course lol, and work is...well...tedious, arduous and alot of other "ous's" lol.

Oh is it 4:20 right now? Well, it is in my house lol. Gotta go relax...

Ciao fuckers.

Friday, November 11, 2005

She's aliiiiive!

Hey people. I've been trying to post something for the last day or two, but it kept crashing and I just gave up. Long story short, I'm here, droning away as usual. School, work, rinse and repeat.

My internet has been spotty lately b/c certain catty bitches, who shall remain nameless (Sara, the catty neighbor, you fuckin' bitch), oops, have been tampering with my wireless router (which resides at her house, since she's the one with the internet service). What a tool that small minded fuck turned out to be. So, thanks to one of my girlfriends at Verizon, I'm getting this pad outfitted with some DSL in a week or two, so I'll be taking back my router, fuck you very much.

Grrr.

On the upside, I've been on MySpace alot this week. Pretty interesting place man. Interesting indeed.

Ok, I'm gonna try to fight off this insomnia with some Tylenol PM. Gotta work in the mornin'!

Ciao fuckers!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Oil Change?

How bizarre. I just got an email from the Civil Engineer, stating that he can't hang out tonight b/c he is taking his car to get an oil change and tomorrow he is fixing his friend's brakes.

Mmmmkay.

Now, in my experience, it doesn't take but a few minutes to get oil changed, especially if you take it to Jiffy Lube. And since when does an oil change take precedence over getting laid?

My answer to that is simple: it doesn't. Mr. Civil Engineer probably has other plans tonight and wanted to give me an excuse that sounds valid. Being the kind of girl that I am, I see right through that shit.

He went on to say that we'll hang out soon and I just replied "mmkay", my standard response to bullshit. My tenacity is nil at this point, since I was aggressive more than once and now it would be just plain pointless to pursue this.

And the drought continues on.

I have better things to do with my time than sit by the phone or wait with bated breath for that email. I'm smarter than that. This I know, and I used to have trouble putting this kind of attitude into practice, but not anymore.

Perhaps I will go out tonight instead. But I am so sick of the bar scene. Ok not SICK of it, but that's not the kind of environment in which to meet someone substantial. Where shall I go? Barnes and Noble? I mean shit, where are all the quality men?

I feel like I'm the one who needs an oil change. I am backed up. LOL.

Ciao fuckers.

Like ridng a bike??

Need some stress relief, y'all. Seriously. Between school and work, I am worn out! (But, on the upside, I am getting straight A's). ;-)

I've been trying to get a piece of ass from the Civil Engineer. I know, I know, I shouldn't be so aggressive. I should let him chase me. But, really, I need to get laid. He is always asking me why I'm so angry all the time lol. Perhaps if he would put out, I would be a nicer person! Just kidding - I swear, there is not a mean bone in my body (...anymore...) - I care too much about other people's feelings that its no longer in me to be hurtful. Off on a tangent again. Must work on my story telling skills.

Anyway, so I'm hoping that he comes over tomorrow. I know what I'm getting myself into. Fully aware. And let me tell you: I am quite nervous. Its been FOUR MONTHS since I got me some and I'm afraid I've forgotten how to do it. Plus, he is like this really fiiiiiine man, in good shape, athletic...ooooh. Can't wait. But still so nervous. I hate to be all whiny and insecure, but damnit, I am not that fly! Don't want to disappoint. Eh...doubt it. I always get all weird when it comes to sex, but I need to remember that two bodies are meant to fit together, no matter what one or the other looks like. Must commit that to memory.

But...whatever happens, I plan to handle myself with all the grace that I can muster. And a smile:

Ciao fuckers!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Hooking up

Hmm. Ok so I won't get into details, but I went out on Friday night with one of my 8 closest friends. We smoked, we drank, we had lots of fun. Now, one of the guys we were hanging out with happens to be one of my co-worker's best friends. We will call him "The Assumer" lol. My co-worker was there with him. His name will be "Muscles" heehee. So Muscles gets really wasted and disappears. The place was closing, so my girlfriend, her co-worker and I were ready to leave. I asked The Assumer if he wanted to come back to my place to smoke with us and he said yes. So we all go back to my place, smoke and my girlfriend and her co-worker got up to leave. Now I was beyond trashed at this point - I was more high than drunk - and The Assumer just stayed there. So I'm like ok, whatever, this dude ain't getting any anyway, so he can sleep on that side of the bed. I didn't care. But, of course, The Assumer assumed that he was getting ass. He tried to rub on me and I was disgusted. I was like dude, its sleepytime. No, really, I used the word "sleepytime". I had my back to him and told him this. But he was not getting it! He was like, "I don't even get a kiss"? I said, no, now go to sleep. So after another 10 minutes of trying, he gave up, called a cab and went to his girlfriend's house.

A few things about me that you may not know:
  • I do not have random sex
  • I do not have random sex ESPECIALLY when I am drunk or high
  • I won't (again) make the mistake of having sex with an attached dude
  • When I say NO, I mean NO

Don't fuckin' try to get lucky just because I didn't kick you out when other people left. I was wasted and couldn't get those words out in time. But I damn sure know how to say NO, drunk, sober and in a few different languages, just in case English doesn't do it for you.

I know I'm a cock tease. I don't mean to be. I shouldn't be. But I'd rather be a cock tease than accused of being loose. Thank you.

LOL.

May your orgasms be strong and plentiful.

Ciao fuckers!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Words from the Wise (ok, Words from Oprah)

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends" (oooh ain't that the damn truth??!) A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women (I wish I would have read this before I got with that bastard "baby mama drama"-havin' jerk). He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later (PREACH ON OPRAH!!). You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. . . Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs (pshhh all the ones I've met are). You should not be the one doing all the bending. . . compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. . . You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you ...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. . . look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right...Make him miss you sometimes. . . when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

CIAO FUCKERS!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Taking matters into my own hands

Ok, so although the bible states that women should be pursued (to indeed prove that he IS into you), I decided to take matters into my own hands and pursue the Civil Engineer. Successfully. Thank you very much.

I can handle the physical relationship with no strings attached. I am ooookkkkk with that.

The drought will be over soon. Yahoo.

Back to doing homework now.

Ciao fuckers.

0000 hours

It's the witching hour y'all. Midnight. Yup. All alone as usual. Hopefully, I'll be changin' that soon.

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot stay celibate forever. Yes. Celibate. I said it. Re-read that for the proper emphasis.

I've been spending a lot of time alone, listening to new music (well, not new, but has anyone listened to the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack? Just lovely!), trying to make some sense of what's going on in my life right now. I've determined that I am essentially neglecting my needs in order to accomplish things like school and work. I need to get laid.

Its been four lonnnnng months. I'm gonna go blind soon, you know what I mean? My email buddy errr...the civil engineer? I may not have mentioned him, but he is definitely
FWB material. Lean, but muscular, Italian yummy, smart, funny and outgoing. The only thing is that he is one of the Techie's closest friends. But guess what? The Techie missed out and its not like he and I had more than a 3 minute phone conversation anyway. I've moved on. The Civil Engineer is a bit of a playa...ok, a bonafied slut - TOTALLY NOT LOOKING TO SETTLE DOWN. That's OKKKKKKK with me. I'm ready for that sucka. Seriously. I am very independent, but there are just certain things better left...uh...in the...hands of others.

Fo' sho'.

Ciao fuckers.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Furthermore

I need to vent a bit.

I rather enjoy the fact that the 2 manly looking, fat bitches that have the audacity to talk about me and my friends - well, they're catty amongst themselves too. Or rather, its a little more one sided. (I also enjoy the fact that I'm probably the only one who can understand this blog lol. Sorry for being cryptic lately guys)...

As a new reader pointed out a couple of days ago ('sup Ms. BreaMd!!)...time to cut the fat. I do feel like slicing that shit off with a Ginsu knife, to be quite honest with you.

LOL

Apartment Hunting

Oh and the plot thickens. "Catty Bitches Anonymous"...they should have meetings.

Although I know all the things I know because of nefarious actions on my part (is that vague enough for ya??), I am happy I know what I know. LOL.

I need to find an apartment. Anybody sees anything in Yonkers, lemme know!!!!

;-)

Ciao fuckers!